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Peeps-Peter
Junior Member

since 2003-07-19

Posts 14

0 posted 2003-07-19 03:34 PM

A sickening feeling
falls over me.
The sinister shadows of nightmares,
inclose me.
In a box, a cramped..
cold
box.
Of blinding clouds.
I can not escape
from this evil box.
Of shadow covered nightmares.

Mind you if this seems in anyway not up to par I am 10 years old.

Enjoy!

Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

1 posted 2003-07-19 04:31 PM

Well, this is supposedly a teen forum...but hey, i'm 19 you can borrow a few years. For 10 years of age...i can tell you may be heading in the right direction.

"Our child is in your hands
So let's see you smile now
Cause i'm not impressed with your loneliness"
By Zwan

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

2 posted 2003-07-19 05:08 PM

You are only ten years old, Pete? Amazing. This piece is superbly written. It's great in length, in drama, in the tenseness that permiates it. A superb first piece, young man.

Welcome to pip. Check your email for welcome greeting!

~Titus

The few. The proud. The Marines.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2003-07-22 03:25 PM

nice job pete! I must say I loved this. An exceptional job for someone of your age. Keep writing...you have talent.
~Lex..

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

4 posted 2003-07-23 06:57 PM

I'm not going to let you off just because you're young...everyone gets treated the same here, despite age...So...

That was absoultely amazing...defianately up to par. It was so strong.
Sometimes we tend to get caught up in length, yours reminded us that short can be powerful.

Well done.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

5 posted 2003-07-24 01:16 AM

10 years old and writing about evil boxes? i guess it makes sense. damn, wait until you reach the mid teens.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

6 posted 2003-07-25 01:59 AM

10! 10! Man at 10 I was still playing with ninja turtles (what?). And to say that you can even ponder the idea of an evil box, so cold. You know if I didn't know better you may have a gift. Grow and expand my young Pete and blow us all away!

NJS

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

7 posted 2003-07-25 01:14 PM

For being 10 years old you are off to a great start! When I was your age I probably didn't even know what poetry was! Haha. I'd like to hear more from you...! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

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