Untitled Love Poem #132 - pipTalk Forums

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Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2003-07-17 10:02 PM

Her eyes sent shivers down my spine,
Like perfect painful needles
Of precious piercing ice.
Her lush lips lingered
Laconically on my fingertips,
Fleeting yet concise,
And like the
The heady honey harmony
Of her hushed and hurried whispers,
They won’t ever quite suffice,
To fill the lonely leaden emptiness
That she left when she left me.

Before anyone asks, this poem doesn't speak of anyone in particular. Just an idea, a collection of random memories, and a couple of rhyming words.

It feels odd to write again...
-Adam

Your life was lost; sweetheart I grieve for you
Sweetheart, I wish there was something I could do
But sweetheart, there's no hope for you

Toasty
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin

1 posted 2003-07-18 12:11 PM

I don't know what to say. I really connected with this.

keep up the good work.

~toasty

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales.

Soleil Noir
Senior Member

since 2001-12-19

Posts 688
USA

2 posted 2003-07-18 01:59 PM

It may feel strange
to write again,
but on you, it looks good!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2003-07-18 05:38 PM

wow, impressive. very well done.
~Lex..

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

4 posted 2003-07-18 06:53 PM

sooo... is there an untitled love poem #131? and #133?

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

5 posted 2003-07-18 10:35 PM

This is good.
I liked the use of elevated and simple language inter-mingled. The alliteration towards the end worked well (I don't know if it was intentional or not, but it does the trick).
The imagery is conveyed well, letting you think about it, but not being overly vague.

I liked it a lot.
Well done.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

6 posted 2003-07-18 11:00 PM

Allysa: Not exactly...it's just another love poem, like all the others out there. There's so many, it's not like there's much point giving them titles anymore. People shouldn't have to remember a poem by its title.

AngelShell: The alliteration throughout the whole poem was intentional, but not exactly controlled. I didn't go out of my way to make everything match up on this poem. Its one of the black sheep out of my usual strain of poetry.

-Adam

Your life was lost; sweetheart I grieve for you
Sweetheart, I wish there was something I could do
But sweetheart, there's no hope for you

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