pillow fights and poetry - pipTalk Forums

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collarbone_girl
Junior Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 45
Wonderland

0 posted 2003-07-15 08:40 AM

I am sweat bands and bracelets

I am torn jeans and tee-shirts

I am curly hair and bubblegum lips

I am dressing gowns and sleepy eyes

I am bubble baths and fluffy towels

I am short skirts and slow dances

I am eyeliner and poker locks

I am sun cream and long drives

I am quiet walks and cool breezes

I am midnight skies and beaches

I am snowmen and hot chocolate

I am blue ink and black eyes

((I am the tears that run down my cheeks))

I am dreams and I am nightmares

I am everything and I am nothing...

This Cool Night Air Is Curious...

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

1 posted 2003-07-15 10:23 AM

That was a different style than I've seen recently, I thought the idea of the poem was very good, but in a few places I thought it didn't flow smoothly, my favorite line was:
"((I am the tears that run down my cheeks))" I thought it fit well and I thought it was a beautiful line.

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

2 posted 2003-07-15 12:53 PM

this is a great poem and i agree the style is different but it works very well. i do believe i'll have to try it if you don't mind. keep up the good work.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

3 posted 2003-07-16 01:25 AM

I like everything about this poem from the title to the style . . . Great job!

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

4 posted 2003-07-16 08:34 PM

i like it. i think that the style is cute, and there were a few lines that just made the poem. (like the tears down my cheeks and the last line as well) well done!

Remember this advice: Hate is only reserved for those we truly love, and dont eat boogers!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-07-17 05:13 PM

I love it. especially the last line.
~Lex

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

6 posted 2003-07-18 11:08 PM

This was good.
This kind of style is VERY hard to write in. Sometimes, when you're continuing a theme like you're doing here, you can carried away with writing down as many things as you can think of and you get bogged down with a whole lot that does't really make much difference to the meaning. You managed to get this style under control and gave it just enough substance to be interesting and concrete but at the same time you didn't just give us every comparasion that you could think of.
I thought it flowed very nicely and it was very poetic.

Well, well done.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

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