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Alnilam
Member

since 2003-07-04

Posts 75

0 posted 2003-07-12 09:59 PM

I wish I could just end
All the suffering for my friend
How I wish I could comprehend
And a crying shoulder I could lend

But sometimes wishing is not enough
And life just seems to get too rough
You see them struggling to be tough
And life just keeps on adding stuff

Oh how very hard I try
To be the wind that helps them fly
But all it does is make us cry
Just wishing to live in the sky

In life we have no choice
And no one can hear our quiet voice
As with the wall we are one
Saying "why isn't out life done?"

Pain and suffering is too much
Can't go on liveing life as such
All it would take is a gentle touch
But to ask that is to ask too much

Goodbye to the wicked is all I can say
See you in hell, I'm going today
In this world I will not stay
For ehre my suffering is constantly at bay
----------------------------------------------------
I wrote this for my friend a very long time ago for their birthday, and now it seems to fit more than ever. Funny how life doesnt change as much for the better as you expect sometimes.

~*Alnilam*~
"The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood."

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-07-12 10:39 PM

You have some VERY good points within this poem. I enjoyed it very much. And can relate..I just wish I could cure all the pain and suffering my loved ones feel..its so overwhelming. The ryhme felt a little forced at times. But I liked it just the same.
~Lex...

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

2 posted 2003-07-28 10:31 PM

I definitely agree about some of the forced rhyming... but I like how it showed your compassion and wasn't whining about your own life but how you pity another. The emotion was unique, but I think you could have worked on some of the lines a little more so the rhyming fit better. I like the title... though I was unsure at first whether it really fit.

Good Job~!

~cassi

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

3 posted 2003-07-29 12:33 PM

someones bday huh? wow...

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