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green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

0 posted 2003-06-26 12:22 PM

One time in a giant world
There was a man who danced and twirled
He danced and danced until he fell
And couldnt move till he got well

Months went by, the dancer still
Finally at last he bagan to heal
He got up from where he lay
And dances on this very day
\
\
\
take it how you want it. I was just trying to write something that wasn't dark for once.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2003-06-26 10:16 PM

if you dont critique this one its ok

i just wanted to write something happy for once

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2003-07-01 07:21 PM

Whoops. Somehow missed this one 'til today.

What a fun poem... it sounds like something little kids would be singing... like "Mary Had a Little Lamb" or something.

Nice job on the meter and rhyme... you've made it flow perfectly. It just begs for a catchy little tune to be put to it.

-Lioness

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

3 posted 2003-07-01 11:12 PM

Thenks blue eyes. So I take it my happy poem was a success in at least your.

Hahahahahahahaha

your responce was cute

Thanks again

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

4 posted 2003-07-02 04:08 PM

No problem.

Yep, your happy poem was a success in the leagues of happy poems.

-Lioness

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2003-07-02 09:02 PM

this ranks up with the few other "too cute" poems I've read lately...

thanks for the smile

It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

6 posted 2003-07-02 11:44 PM

Thanks skyfire. I should write another and go for the "too cute" status once again and hey, maybe itll even be another in the league of successes too blueeyes.

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

7 posted 2003-07-03 06:27 PM

Liked it. I can see the "never give up trying" moral here, but thankfully you didn't turn it into some vile saccharine rant that sounds like a greetings card.
Erm.... yeah. Well done.
Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

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