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Stinky Twinkie
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 204
Dinwiddie

0 posted 2003-06-25 07:37 PM

I've never shared anything that I've written for my girlfriend on here, but here is a little song I wrote for her. I think its kinda funny (hope she does too haha.)  Anyhoo, enough of my crazy talk...I hope you enjoy it.

"My Love Train"

if you hear something coming, going "CHOO CHOO"
its my love train coming to rescue you

and no one has a smile like you do
which is beautiful, just like you

you smell better than any shampoo
you're much better than any bag of cookies I've ever been through

I just want to look into your eyes so blue
and say that I'm in love with you
Well kids, there you have it.  The line about cookies is an inside joke by the way, which I probably should've changed to something everyone could relate to, but oh well, what are you gonna do? I'm tired of talking now.

-Stinky Twinkie owns a love train. CHOO CHOO!-

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

1 posted 2003-06-25 09:20 PM

Aww. That's cute. Nice critique message... and, if you had been trying to write about something really serious and poetic, I would've probably had lots to say about your rhythm being off, etc.

But in poems like this... it's truly the thought that counts. And you have an awfully lucky girlfriend.

-Lioness

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2003-06-25 11:35 PM

This was soo cute! Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. If my boyfriend ever wrote me a poem, I would completely melt

-Jen

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. -Kurt Cobain

SimpleDiscourse
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 79

3 posted 2003-06-26 12:56 PM

This was adorable. The kind of thing every girl wants a guy to write. Nice.

What would you do if I could have you?

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

4 posted 2003-06-26 01:37 AM

This was really sweet. I'm sure your girlfriend will appreciate it alot. She must be extremely lucky to have a guy as sweet as you....and I'm sure she wouldn't let you go for anything in the world... *Jessica*

-you're better than any cookies Ive been through too...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2003-06-28 08:49 PM

This is just too cute

Not what I was expecting, but it works

It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

6 posted 2003-06-29 05:49 PM

This made me laugh. *haha* See?

You know, I think a lot of people are too caught up in making their poetry intelligent and intellectual. It's nice to read something as honest and fun as this once in awhile. We should all be so creative.

~Kay~

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2003-06-29 11:23 PM

Hey, I've been missing your poems around here!
Nice to see your work again, I really love this one alot. very cute.
Nice job!

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Mourning Raven
New Member

since 2003-07-18

Posts 2

8 posted 2003-07-24 12:46 PM

Stinky Twinkie, I am a new fan! This was great, though not the first of yours I've read! I do love this, and I'm willing to bet that quite a few people relate to the cookie bit, I know I did!

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

9 posted 2003-07-24 01:09 AM

ha ha, heres to the luck that the ladie will like it. whooooooohhhaaaaaa

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

10 posted 2003-07-24 01:33 AM

Adorable!

I'm just kickin it up

StraightFromTheHeart
New Member

since 2003-07-24

Posts 7
In a computer chair on mi butt.......

11 posted 2003-07-24 06:56 AM

That's so sweet! I wish I had a b/f who would write me poems..lol...I wish I had a b/f period....lol....Nice Job! Lucky Gurlfriend!!

Behind mi smile liez a broken heart!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

12 posted 2003-07-24 12:02 PM

cute, and chloey....i never have had a boyfriend...it hurts worse than anything...trust me...

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

13 posted 2003-07-24 05:59 PM

OK, as your critique message is asking for it....
You stink. Your poetry is so bad it makes me want to hurl myself into the nearest garbage can. It's so bad it even made me hit my computer screen, and now my knuckles hurt, which is your fault! I hate you Stink Twink!
OK, now for my actual opinion......
Your poetry is sort of randomly funny, and it's nice to see a happy love poem for once. Made me smile and still displayed what seems to be genuine affection towards your lady. Dude, you rule! (Sorry!)
Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

14 posted 2003-07-24 10:18 PM

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

~cassi

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

15 posted 2003-07-25 12:57 PM

Man if I knew that singing this way would get the women... I'd take my songs from the shower to the outside world. I had a chuckle... this was kewl though. Cookies?? Ha Ha

NJS

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