Teen Poetry #6 |
unbeautiful dyke ways. |
clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
When it comes to this, I'm afraid that I've said And done the wrong thing. But your world is so perfect Compared to mine And maybe if I wasn't in it There'd be more sunshine. I'm trying to figure out if This is all there it If you is all there is I want to fall with you Hold your hand walking in the stars To break with you. But in the end I know I will only End up killing myself For steadfast love That will never be And I'm looking at your photographe It's got dust around the edges Just like my heart Has shadows around it And I'm ripping you up Because I can't stand to see you Smile if I'm not smiling myself. |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
*slightly narrows eyes* I wanna talk to about this, on MSN okay? Heh---other than that, I don't know what to say! If I said, "Good job" it'd be too bland a statement...but---Good Job! ~ 17 All I do, is think about you... |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done. Looking for more. This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
You okay? Nicely written, but slightly worriesome, and I don't even know you. Email if you wanna talk, okay? |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
i'm fineeee everyone. i wrote this AWHILE ago when i was crushing on a girl named liz. but now i have the most wonderfullest girlfriend named katryna. thanks for your help though. |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
I loved this, it rang true. That is all. Thankies. Ellie *) "Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:37 PM).] |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
This took many a trip, down many a path. At times, superb, superb images, mi amiga. Some lines seemed out of place, but some lines, such as the ending, fit right in. Well done, senorita. Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is pretty good. I liked the way you described the path of the narrator's emotions, with a conclusive ending. This poem has excellent unity, from start to finish. Good work. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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