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clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

0 posted 2002-10-12 06:02 PM

Letters unravel
And how I wish
That I hadn't told you
I loved you
Because the past is never far and
I'm to weak to
Figure out myself
When all is done and gone
I wonder if you would even remember me
With all these poems
All these thoughts
Will it ever go down in history?
I could be just a faceless person in the crowd
Which you know darling,
I am.
But I thought I was different to you some how
But now I can see that I'm all the same
And I'd be sleeping beauty
But you, you could never be
The prince
And I'd have trouble pricking my finger in the first place
'Cause I can't do anything right
But darling, oh how I'd want to
Oh how I'd want to fall
Into darkness and never
Show my face again
What's the point,
When I'm so cold
I'll never be able to
Love again.
And I hate how much
I ramble on and on
About this
Because in the end
Things are never going to change
And I'll always
Let tears of silver
Sparkles fall down
And avoid you through the
And as the goo goo dolls
Guitars strum those four chords
That can make you cry
I'll run to hide
My heart break
And soon my voice will be fading forever.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-10-12 06:28 PM

I thought the poem had its high points, very high points. I loved the part about you being a face in the crowd, and how your existance serves no purpose as far as history goes. I happen to believe, though, that history is too broad. Of course, it is! It's the history of all happenings throughout time. However, personal history is much more significant to an individual than the broad perspective of the world as a whole. Sure, the world as a whole has its interesting points, but I'd like to think that Billy dumping you had more of an impact than the sack of Troy.

Well done on the poem....

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

PeaceInEverything
Junior Member

since 2002-10-06

Posts 31
Ohio, United States

2 posted 2002-10-12 06:51 PM

I really liked this poem. I know exactly where you are coming from. Can't really think of anything else to say

Its good!

Peace

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

3 posted 2002-10-12 07:39 PM

I wouldn't underestimate the significant value history can have to an individual, Javi. Some people care just as much about things that are not revolved around them as they do for the things that have almost nothing to do with them.

Good poem. I enjoyed this little peek.

Sanity is in itself enough to make you insane.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-12 07:59 PM

Key point: "Some people"

and I do not doubt that. I just disagree with it

No worries.

Once again, great poem. Look what you've started! Somewhat of a philosophical discussion! naughty naughty

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-10-12 11:02 PM

JAVIER!!!

*ahem*

Jessica, I always have enjoyed your work. It's not like any other stuff you'd see---the structure is VERY original...which is an AWESOME change!!! You have very realistic images, which is also...a VERY nice change!

It shows that you can use reality, something so harshly true---and use it to describe what's inside you! Not many can do that...

# 17

All I do, is think about you...

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

6 posted 2002-10-12 11:09 PM

thank you thank you... -takes a bow-

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

7 posted 2002-10-13 01:01 AM

LOL I like you! You stole my line! I'm the one who takes a bow! But you can share it. Let's see... I like you, and I like your poems. *nods* Yep, I think I'll keep you

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

8 posted 2002-10-13 08:54 PM

"the structure is VERY original"

Very true.

I enjoyed the poem. As was said, high points, and low points. Overall, nicely done. It flowed into itself to create a poem which could stand on its own.

Dopes... when you say "the world as a whole has its interesting points, but I'd like to think that Billy dumping you had more of an impact than the sack of Troy" are you saying you think it has more of a personal impact on her as a person? Might you say a more obvious, relevant impact? The sack of troy (by the way, which sack?

) affected history, and all time to come, in different ways, in in turn, affects her, just not as obviously, or relevantly.

Sincerely,
Titus

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

9 posted 2002-10-14 11:49 AM

I think what Javier is saying is that historical events can only have a symbolic impact on a person, where personal experience has a very much more direct impact... which means, poetry written from personal experience contains more than does that written on historical event.

I agree with him, too. However, it is possible to write extremely good poetry about a historical event, but not without the poet having some emotional relationship with that historical event. I mean, otherwise, why would they even care?

About the poem, now...

I really did like it... quite a bit. I think the flow was well carried by the random line sizes, but could have been helped even more with a stanza break from place to place.

Nice work, nonetheless.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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