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jaysh
Member

since 2003-04-16

Posts 133
IL, USA

0 posted 2003-06-02 03:02 PM

A tear when you loved and I didnt.
A tear the day we broke up.
A tear when things started going downhill.
A tear when you weren't around.
A tear when you broke my heart.
A tear when I think of you.
A tear when I loved, and you didnt.

lingering thoughts
Member

since 2003-05-03

Posts 70
Illinois, USA

1 posted 2003-06-02 07:20 PM

i like this ... it was short and simple
i can relate to many poems posted on here but every line of this one sounds like something Ive gone through good job !!

oh i noticed you are from illinois ... which part ?

*Cassandra

xxshadowxx
Junior Member

since 2003-05-17

Posts 43
Texas

2 posted 2003-06-02 07:26 PM

Short but good.keep up the good work
~Carrie~

"Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me"

jaysh
Member

since 2003-04-16

Posts 133
IL, USA

3 posted 2003-06-02 10:59 PM

Thanks guys! I am from Central Illinios, in a really small town about 25 miles from Mattoon if you know where that is at

brezee
Member

since 2003-06-02

Posts 140

4 posted 2003-07-29 12:25 PM

sheesh ur good! great write....AGAIN! lol ~*~*brezee*~*~

kj
Junior Member

since 2003-07-28

Posts 15
Australia

5 posted 2003-07-29 03:56 AM

thats so sad! this poem is excellent.

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-07-29 12:41 PM

STOP YELLING AT ME! i realize my faults, please stop the torture.

AlostHeart
Member

since 2003-05-01

Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.

7 posted 2003-07-29 03:53 PM

I like this
It relates to me
i know how you feel
with where you live!
im from wisconsin
the state with all the cows
YeeHaaa!
lol
good write keep it up.
~Tori~

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

8 posted 2003-07-29 07:42 PM

hmm..lacking of some deepth and diversity. The typical sad "love story." Lost "love". Boring. You have to think out of the box if you want to keep the attention.
But..it was none the less a good try.
~Lex

jaysh
Member

since 2003-04-16

Posts 133
IL, USA

9 posted 2003-07-29 11:01 PM

Thanks everyone, and ya Lex, this is definatly one of the best poems I ever wrote, it kinda needed more, I think i cut it off to soon.

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