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OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

0 posted 2003-07-28 10:08 PM

May I urge you to seize the day?
Yesterday was the owner and breeder of a restless sleep
Tomorrow is a promise of forgotten wishes
And 'someday' is an era of unsweetened dreams.
Yesterday's gone, and tomorrow never fades.

I like each line alone... but I don't know how they fit together... anybody got an idea? Title would be nice too... I don't like "Yesterday" much.

AlostHeart
Member

since 2003-05-01

Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.

1 posted 2003-07-28 11:12 PM

I really like this!
And tell you the truth i think it fits together just fine the way it is...
Thanks for posting i look forward to reading more!

PS: The title is really ok.

~Tori Louise~

Be happy, and respectful, dont forget about those ones that will always love you no matter how much you screw up!

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-07-29 12:37 PM

ha ha thats a good one. nice work, i like it.

[This message has been edited by dertah (07-29-2003 12:37 PM).]

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2003-07-29 12:43 PM

for the title, how about Trail of Times? ok, so i am not great at titles, o well

good poem...loved it

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

4 posted 2003-07-29 06:28 PM

Each individual line sounds good, but they do fit together very nicely in my opinion. I really suck at titles, so I can't really help ya there...nice write though.

-Jen

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it's expressed in the choices on makes." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-07-29 07:38 PM

I like how the first line is a question.
I like this line the best "someday is an era of unsweetened dreams." Poets have the ability to see things for what they are..I think this is a gift. You have a gift.
Great piece. A little on the short side..but I like it that way.
~Lex..

Song_for_Serenity
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 97
USA

6 posted 2003-07-29 10:39 PM

Hey there! I agree with everyone in the sense that all of the lines fit well just as they are. This was a great poem. Have a spiffy day!

~Angela
"Anything less than mad, passionate love is wasting your time...Life has too many mediocre things in it, love shouldn't be one of them..."

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

7 posted 2003-07-29 10:47 PM

that was a nice poem!everything seemed to be in the right place..and created the right effects.i loved the line "yesterday is an era of unsweetened dreams" best.also i have an idea for the title..."Carpe Diem" which also means seize the day.hope u like that!

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