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Colors of the Flag
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Colors of the Flag |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA 
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This is my first atepmt at rhyme every one, normally I write in blank verse, I'm new to this, bear with me please! Red is for the blood so bravely shed Even in the midst of danger They never lost their nerve and fled White is for the pure wings the fallen now wear As they watch down below Standing along side another with a rifle to bear Blue is for the tears shed by famalies left behind Knowing that for the rest of their lives Their fallen soldier will forever be in their mind For this is what our colors stand Reminding us all What it takes to keep this land Never forget about their unselfish sacrifice They gave their all To keep you out of evil's black vice Thank you, God for our troops, both fallen and standing!!! foot note-I think I fixed the first stanza, hope at least. Read my work and read my thoughts I'll go back into the night now ---Night Angel [This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (05-29-2003 07:18 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Hannah Rochelle Garner - All Rights Reserved | |||
Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Hmmm... well first off, well done on trying out rhyming *big grin* it's very different from blank/free verse isn't it? I know when I switched to blank from rhyme I was lost for the first couple of poems until I really found my groove  Secondly, I'm impressed with this one. The first couple of stanzas read a little choppy to me, but it's all good, it reads like you got into the flow of this around the third or fourth stanzas. The first stanza didn't read all that well to me, I think it's because in the first line you have 9 syllables, and in the last line you have four. The middle line is okay because it sets a kind of model for the rest of the middle lines, which is to be shorter than the first line and judging by the rest of the poem, the last line as well. In the second stanza you get into the groove even better, although what I'm assuming it supposed to read "now wear" instead of "no wear". Not a biggie, but it threw me off a bit. As for the rest of the poem I didn't have a problem reading it at all; I think though, that if you found some way to make the last line of the first stanza longer, it would read even better. Again, good for you for exploring new territory with your poetry, for a first rhyming poem, this is very well done  |
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*Dark Princess* Junior Member
since 2003-04-13
Posts 22lost in the shadows |
I really liked this one...I think for your first rhyming poem u did great...The no and now thing threw me off a little also, but great poem,...And I like the topic...Jess |
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WindSong Member
since 2002-12-23
Posts 313Long Island, New York |
Can I be honest here? *falls to the ground* This was a tear jerker. It was awesome. I'm a big supporter of our heroes...ask ANY of my friends, I'm the most patriotic of them all too. I bow down to you because this was awesome. I'm saving this one to my library. Great job! I so very much enjoyed this...thanks! Pe@ce and God bless those who have lost their lives and those who are standing today. ~*Kirah*~ "Your companions are like the buttons on an elevator, they will either take you up or they will take you down." |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
Thanks all for helping me out, I admit the first stanza is choppy but I think I have a way to make it better, and typo to. This area is new to me, normally I write in free verse and write like i'm talking. This one just came into my head. Thanxs all again!! Read my work and read my thoughts |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The pride that you wear on your sleeve in this poem is inspiring. Beautiful work. Wonderful try at rhyming! Keep at it. Thanks for a great read. --Marie "You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life) |
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