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sing'n fool
Member

since 2003-04-17

Posts 82
Morris, Il

0 posted 2003-05-23 08:29 PM

Guiding Light

In the darkness of night
you are my guiding light.
A star that forever shines.

Lighting a path
in an otherwise dreary world.
Leading me out of the darkness.

I look to you
and depend on you,
for I myself am incapable.

Whenever the shadows of the world are upon me
and all seems lost,
I know I can look to you
and you'll guide me home to where you are...my star.

M.P.D

Be yourself. Say what you feel. Nothing is wrong. To your own self be real!!

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2003-05-23 08:51 PM

People like that are always nice to have around.

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2003-05-25 06:47 PM

sing'n fool-

Short and simple, but a pleasure to read nonetheless. I especially enjoyed the last line of your poem.

I don't know if it was your intention to rhyme at the beginning ("night" and "light"). In any case, it threw me off a bit when I was suddenly reading freeverse. You don't have to change this, but you could consider this for the next time you write.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Keep up the writing!

-Leah

*Dark Princess*
Junior Member

since 2003-04-13

Posts 22
lost in the shadows

3 posted 2003-05-28 06:40 PM

I love how you write...You always seem to have a way of making things flow right...And u have a broad range of topics that you do so well with even though u may not have much experiance in it...Okay, well im going to quit rambleing now,...So keep it up and I'll be waiting to see something new...*Jess*

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2003-06-03 12:38 PM

Leah beat me to it, but I was thinking the same thing while reading the poem... the sudden switch from rhyme to free verse was rather distracting, as was the switch to the longer last stanza. Maybe you could adjust to make it three 3-line stanzas and then a rhyming couplet.

Anywho, beautiful work. You are lucky to have found someone who is such a guiding light in your life. Cherish this!

Thanks for the read

--Marie

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

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