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Teen Poetry #6
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The Clock Strikes
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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The Clock Strikes |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Watch the darkness Creep through the crack in the door As the shadows play on the wall Hear the pain Silence echoes through my thoughts And I'm torn between what’s real and dream I look out the foggy window And draw a broken heart in the mist And Time freezes I recollect the past When things were filled with love Which makes it hurt all the more The clock ticks on the wall The memories won't let me go I wish they would leave, but they keep surfacing Tick tock...tick tock... A downpour erupts in tears And they stream down my face Cleverly concealing what lies beneath I look in the mirror to find only fear The glass shatters like I did so long ago Never again to be that perfectly whole Disfigured for all eyes to pray upon The clock strikes midnight and I wish you were here This was written by a friend and I awhile back, but I just got to post it tonight, so enjoy! If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain. [This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (05-26-2003 08:53 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved | |||
*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Well your friend is quite the poet! I enjoyed this piece immensely..such pain and hopelessness...great expression of emotions. There were a few places that I would tighten up or change just slightly to allow it to flow a bit better but overall it's a stunning piece of work ~Live and Laugh~ Always strive for excellence never perfection. |
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snoduck Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 99Selah, WA |
Well, your friend is quite the poet. I really liked this. It was a great piece of writing. Tell your friend thanks for the read! |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Hi Spine Grinder! Your poem is well done, and you and your friend did a nice job on it. Is your friend registered as a member here? Due to copyright issues, she needs to be for the poem to be able to be posted o the boards. If she hasn't maybe you could invite her to join. Please let me know. Thank you!  ~Elizabeth Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The emphasis on sound throughout this poem is very interesting! "Hear the pain Silence echoes through my thoughts And I'm torn between what’s real and dream" Silence breaking your thoughts is a very real occurrance. I enjoyed the repitition of sounds, especially the clock. It gave a different approach to what would have been a very ordinary poem. May I ask if this friend is a member of PIP? Great job! Enjoyed... --Marie "You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life) |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Yes, HE is a member, but he didn't want to be named..so there ya go. lol. thank you for the replies. If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain. |
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BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE |
God Staci...this was GOOD! Okay, not good, GREAT! AWESOME! I mean...GOD! LOL. I don't even have enough words to describe this! *lmao* If only I could write something like that...! A round of applause to you both ( and I have a feeling I know who it is! ) But you two did a wonderful job! Be proud...hehehe. Love ya! ~J.Lynn  "In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..." |
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LuckyFelix Junior Member
since 2003-01-17
Posts 34Here. |
Yes yes, wonderful. |
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