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Teen Poetry #6
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Breathe
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Breathe |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
This was written to a friend of mine that is currently finding love to be a hard thing to believe in. But someone also told me it was a good love poem, so I guess it's however you choose to interpret it. A wisper of love close behind Losing that love, yet trying to find It's in your heart; it's a sign This is the power of love devine Breathe Breathe the bitter frost To refreash your numbing heart Look up, the sky is grey sleep so soundly and mend your heart Breathe So pure and true so soft and blue so sad or withered your so tethered, but please... Breathe Lost form what is wrong and what might be right But you have to find yourself tonight As lonely as you seem, and as far You need to find where you are Take your time, and never leave But most importantly...remember to breathe Always strive for excellence never perfection. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Bella - All Rights Reserved | |||
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blueyedlioness Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 289USA |
Mmm... nice. I like how you changed the format right at the end. Might check some spelling, but other than that, it's probably the best of yours I've read.  |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
what I think?? i can do that. the style you used throughout most the poem, was by far, my fav. style. i haven't seen that before ( small world ) and i really liked how you scattered the breathe through it. but i suggested you maybe change the title, just because it gives away a lot, but that's just me. as far as the last stanza, i don't personally think you need it, the poem sounds complete without it ( to me at least ) just my 2 cents. great job riley leanne *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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SilentTears Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371Lost and Broken |
Mmm...Really liked this one. I could really relate to it as well. Beautiful write. As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Thank you guys for the replies. The poem itself I think could use a little work cause I'm not entirely pleased with how it ends but everyone is there own worst critic right? Anyways now that I've rambled sufficiently I'll end with thanks for the comments there always appreatiated! ~Live and Laugh` Always strive for excellence never perfection. |
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