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ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

0 posted 2003-05-22 06:56 PM

Hey Guys, I recently slipped back into Teen and have read a whole load of good stuff, thanks for that

I only have one month left of being a teen, a bit less actually, so I just thought I would make the most of it by posting a little before it's too late.....ironically, I left the teen forum way early for the others and now that it comes down to it, I wish I hadn't been in such a rush!! But enough rambling, here it is:

Dancing with memories

Out they slip, smooth and swift,
One by one these ghostly butterflies.
Memories with wings, under a curse,
To dance and dance until they die.

Locked safe within my treasure chest,
Moving gently to the rhythm of my tears,
They fret to be free, to flutter, to dance,
Doomed never to be stilled, I fear.

I release them all, together we dance,
In ecstasies of pleasurable pain.
Time standing still as I look behind,
At sunshine, laughter tears and rain.

They haunt me, spectres of time gone by,
Enchant me, entice me to dance eternally.
Eyes fixed behind on what I have lost,
I fail to see what is standing before me.

New hopes, new chances, now shimmering,
Now dulled by shadows of butterfly wings,
The memories are swooping and dancing,
To the joyful sorrow that my heart sings.

Torn between dancing the dance of the past,
Or prancing forward into new-coloured spheres;
I long for the dance to reach its finale,
Hoping my path doesn’t lose itself here.

I jump like a colt, reach for my butterflies,
Knowing that capture is the key to tomorrow,
Elusive they are, staying just out of reach,
Can’t do it alone, I realise with sorrow.

Away they slip, smooth and swift,
One by one these ghostly butterflies.
Memories with wings, under a curse,
To dance and dance until they die.

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2003-05-22 07:28 PM

That's really good ESP--I like the metaphors of butterflies as memories. Don't worry about the forum. You won't be kicked out once you hit 20. I'll be 21 in a month and a day from today and I still post here sometimes, so it'll still be here. Again, nice poem!

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

2 posted 2003-05-22 07:36 PM

Heh thanks Elizabeth...what it must be to be a teen moderator....

Hey I won't be going anywhere anytime soon unless I'm kicked out, Teen rocks!
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

3 posted 2003-05-22 07:50 PM

Moderating is interesting for sure....this is the 3rd time I've done a DM rotation, and the 2nd time I did one in Teen, and I am really enjoying it! You should sign up for one, the rotations are only 2 weeks long so they aren't too difficult. see you 'round!

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

4 posted 2003-05-22 09:26 PM

This was EXTREMELY good! I absolutely love it...!!! The butterflies..ah, I love it! Haha, Great write! ~Jess

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

5 posted 2003-05-22 11:05 PM

Liz,
I really like this one!! The whole thing flows together perfectly. I was gonna put my favorite part but I love the whole thing. LoL. Anywayz, love the poem, and BTW they won't kick you out cuz your not a teen. That would suck for a lotta people if they did tho. LoL
~*~Jenni~*~

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their
ground. --Anonymous

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

6 posted 2003-05-23 07:54 PM

"in ecstasies of pleasurable pain" I love that line. This was really well done.
Thanks for shating,
~Lexy

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2003-05-24 04:59 PM

Wonderful write, ESP. I think this is a meaningful poem, especially to you, since I guess this is one of the last that is in the "teen" age.

To be honest, I really didn't like this poem that much. I'm not sure I look at this as one of your best. While I liked using a metaphor to represent memories gone by, I think using the symbol of the butterfly was a little surreal. Personally, butterflies mean something that's old and ripe and whwen in question, it represents something that has no more room for maturing or learning. But it's just the opposite when memories are involved. Catterpillars live their lives learning to adapt so they can live a great life as butterflies. But once they become the latter, they are nearing their death. While beautiful creatures, their lives are lived, and the end is near.

Memories live forever. They're always there in mind, always ready to each you lessons and always eager to bring new experiences. Even if you're leaving one stage of life and entering another.

Anywho, with that said, the ideas in the poem are wonderful, and worthy to be read. The content was beautiful, and the flow was wonderful.

You're a talented writer. I've read your work, and I know that I like your writing. Please excuse me for being critical, but I believe that's why people post on this forum.

I can't wait to read more, so even as you leave your teen years, stick around.

Yours,
--Marie

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

8 posted 2003-05-24 05:03 PM

"I release them all, together we dance,
In ecstasies of pleasurable pain.
Time standing still as I look behind,
At sunshine, laughter tears and rain."

This poem is so beautiful. I love the imagery you used, and the metaphor. It flowed perfectly. Really great job.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

9 posted 2003-05-27 08:32 PM

Thanks for all your comments, guys!! Most appreciated and I've taken the critique ones on board with appropriate thought.....

Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

10 posted 2003-06-01 10:28 PM

l like this, liz. you've got a flow to it that i find amazing. please, don't ask me to pick my favorite line, or even stanza, cause there are simply too many... lol
anyway, great work, wish l'd read it when it was first posted... lol.
hehe
luv, laurie.

lingering thoughts
Member

since 2003-05-03

Posts 70
Illinois, USA

11 posted 2003-06-02 11:40 AM

Locked safe within my treasure chest,
Moving gently to the rhythm of my tears,
They fret to be free, to flutter, to dance,
Doomed never to be stilled, I fear.

This was my favorite part the treasure chest was a good metaphor!loved the poem...
Have a good birthday !

*Cassandra

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

12 posted 2003-06-02 12:47 PM

I really liked this poem. I hope to read more of your work soon. Don't stop posting in the teen forum just because you won't be a teen anymore... adults are just teenagers with a wiser view of the world. Anyway, great poem. I loved the imagery.

-Jeanette-

Fariegirl
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 147

13 posted 2003-06-03 11:48 AM

Great write...loved it

~*A day without light is..like..night*~

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

14 posted 2003-06-07 12:16 PM

Wow... sometimes I come in here unable to have anything to say about a single post. And today I'm just coming across so many talented writers.

I've always loved that format for poetry... it's my favorite to both write and read. And I love the theme and the imagery and the words you used... and... everything! Wonderfulness.

-Lioness

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

15 posted 2003-06-07 07:03 PM

Woah, this poem is, perfect. I love every line. We'll miss you here.
Again, excellent.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

16 posted 2003-06-08 08:09 AM

Hey everybody, thank you so much for all of your kind replies to this post

It is a favourite of mine, so I'm glad you guys seem to like it so far

Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

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