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BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

0 posted 2003-05-21 09:40 PM

~Goodbye Other Side~

You've got your cold grasp
Coiled tightly around my neck.
You've been choking me for so long,
I forgot how to breathe on my own.

(Let go)

But now I'm done with you.
Loosen the hold you have on me,
Cuz I'm giving you up, forever gone.
I'm setting free my once shattered soul.

(Free to fly)

You always held me down,
Tied by painful memories and false realities.
Well, I'm giving all that up.
No more hiding behind the mask that is you.

(No more lies)

All that's left is me.
I'm not gonna run, I'm not gonna hide.
I'm simply going to live my life
With you Banished from it.

(Leave me alone)

It's my life now, you have no say.
Good or bad I'll do as I see fit.
Pay no more attention to you.
I'm giving you up for good.

(Goodbye)

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

1 posted 2003-05-21 09:48 PM

Woohoo! You go, girl!

Awesome.

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

2 posted 2003-05-22 01:37 AM

I loved this! I'm not sure if you were meaning it towards another person, but my interpretation was that of telling that othere part of yourself, the pessimistic or depressed side, to leave and that they have no control over your emotions or your life any more. It was absolutly amazing.
~Live and Laugh~

Always strive for excellence never perfection.
~Bella~

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

3 posted 2003-05-22 07:25 AM

Whether it was directed at you or someone else, you couldn't have said it better......I wish I could say something like that to a certain person in my life, I know that much!!!!
Enjoyed this muchly

Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

4 posted 2003-05-22 07:27 AM

You've got your cold grasp
Coiled tightly around my neck.
You've been choking me for so long,
I forgot how to breathe on my own.

A person? More like a snake!! Some sort of python...then again some people are snakes in disguise....hey the more I read this the more I like it!

Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

AlostHeart
Member

since 2003-05-01

Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.

5 posted 2003-05-22 11:53 AM

Thank god for that! I'm proud of you now..... not that i wasnt before but yaknow what i mean!

Love you ~Tori Louise~

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2003-05-22 01:07 PM

As said above, it is a brave thing to do to beak away from something like this. I hope you're proud of yourself, and I hope this feeling of liberation is very worth it.
You did a wonderful job on this poem. The style is neat-o. I liked the way you separated the stanzas, although random at first, it helped the poem flow freely with the free-verse style of the stanzas.
As I said, no girl deserves such an oppressive relationship with anyone. You are a strong girl, obviously, who cares about herself and repsects herself. Keep that trait. It will get you so far.
Wonderful work! I enjoyed.

--Marie

"You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life)

Drummerboy06
Junior Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 46
Indiana

7 posted 2003-06-04 05:58 PM

well shoot, now i have forgoten what i was going to say about this piece oh so long ago when i first read it. all i can say now is that i think its pretty good. they way you seperated the stanzas was a good idea, each stanza had a certain focus and then you had a single line that kinda summarized what you said so if we get lost, we see that line and we're like "ok, so thats what you meant." i really ejoyed this piece, no criticism here, sorry!!

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. - Robert F

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

8 posted 2003-06-04 08:49 PM

Wow...REALLY liked this one. I enjoy your poetry and this just adds to my list of favorites. I believe I'm going to have to thread you to my library. Hehe. But this poem...it was beautiful. I really liked the style you wrote it in. Nice job.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

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