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Teen Poetry #6
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Tell Me
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Tell Me |
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BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE 
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When I left, did you feel betrayed? Hurt...because I chose him? Would things be different if I would've stayed? Or would I have died without him? I left for me...for a better life, To get away from the problems. I could not handle the pain and strife... I needed to leave to solve them. Do you resent me now that I'm gone? I don't even get a call... I cannot think of what I did wrong If I even did anything at all... At night I sit and cry in my bed And I still don't know why I do... It must be due to the things never said And the fact, that deep down, I miss you. You're still my blood, my mother... The one who put me here. I thought we'd love each other Forever...yet you're no longer near... He took you from me... And now you're gone... ...I'm nothing to you anymore...* "In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..." |
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| © Copyright 2003 J.Lynn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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blueyedlioness Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 289USA |
Nice job... I like the rhyme, the rhythm, the subject... really good. One suggestion - in this stanza: "Do you resent me now that I'm gone? I don't even get a call... I cannot think of what I did wrong If I even did anything at all..." I think the whole thing would flow better if you made it "Do you resent me now that I am gone?" Having that extra syllable seems to make it flow better. That's just my opinion, though.  -Lioness *growl* |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
I liked this Jenn...But I agree with blueeyedlioness on that line. Good job none the less. If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain. |
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