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aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

0 posted 2003-04-24 10:38 PM

Well, first off THANX to everyone who voted for my other poem,"Sorrow". It made it in. Here's my second attempt at getting something in. I hope you like.

Mindset

I live my life for disappointment
feeling trapped on my endless circle
forever wishing once
broken this pattern be
and deeper and darker
each new shining moment becomes
when held each morning
my heart up to the rising sun
to watch it set on me.

This is one of the few others of my own that I still like. Hope you guys(and gals) do too.

Thnx again.

ex animo,
Aaron Woodside

IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2003-04-25 05:10 PM

I am hereby declaring my love for you!!!

Wow that was really good! Mine made it in too, thank you!!! I'm definitely voting for this... good meaning and good language.

AWESOMEEE

-cassi

Magicmystery
Senior Member

since 2002-02-13

Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2003-04-26 01:46 AM

Hey there Aaron, I kinda know what you mean ... and you're constantly looking for the other shoe to drop when something good just happenned.... like you didn't deserve it or something??? and I understand entirely your felling a bit like Cisaphus (definately not spelt right) pushing that damned rock up a hill just to have it roll back down on top of you just before you get to the top.... ~~~ sigh ~~~ don't I know this one. Wishing you luck and casting my vote for this one.

Love, Light and Peace,

Sherry

Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2003-04-26 03:04 PM

Aaron-

Meh. I didn't like this one. Horrible piece. It hurt my eyes reading it. Ouch. It burrrrns.

Nawww, I liked it. What I really enjoy about your poems is the different prespective you have on certain things. This one is no exception. The only thing that bothered me a bit were these lines:

"broken this pattern be sun"

AND

"when held each morning
my heart up to the rising"

It was a little awkward for me to read "broken this pattern be" and "when held each morning". Maybe it's just me, but I think it would make more sense (and flow better) if the lines said:
"this broken pattern be" OR "this pattern, broken, be"

and

"when each morning held
my heart up to the rising sun"

That's all I really have to say about this, other than it was a good concept. I'm not crazy about it, but it was good.

You have my vote, nonetheless.

L.

[This message has been edited by chasing rain (04-26-2003 03:05 PM).]

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

4 posted 2003-04-26 03:54 PM

Thanx for the replies and votes everyone.   I appreciate it.

Cassi-Lol thnx,I think.  You not going to stalk me are you?  Oh cuz that would be kinda cool...

Sherry-It's funny you mention Sisyphus as that myth actually helped inspire this poem.  The poor sap is being punished by the gods for his passions and his drive to be better then anyone.  He will not bow down to the "greater" figures of his society(the gods).  His punishment is to forever push a large rock up a steep hill only to watch it roll back down when he gets close to the top.

The question is, how is this a fitting punishment for his arrogance to defy the gods and place his own actions ahead of theirs?  Can you imagine having your entire existance focused on one single procedure, one thing you have to accomplish, only to watch it fail everytime?  What would that do to a person driven to excel? But in the myth Sisyphus never stops trying again and never seems to lament his punishment.  Why is that?  I think Albert Camus put it best when he said of Sisyphus "He is stronger then his rock."

I really like that myth and I equated myself and the trials I go through and overcome everyday, the trials and problems that seem to come back around again no matter what I do, with those of Sisyphus.  That's where this poem came from.

Leah-You need some eyedrops?  I'll have em mailed to ya.

I like to write backwards.

Thnx for the suggestions though.

ex animo,
Aaron Woodside

IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI

[This message has been edited by aaron woodside (04-26-2003 03:55 PM).]

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2003-04-26 04:55 PM

Yes, I really love this poem!!
It flowed nicely,
and I just love the last few lines.
My vote on this one, I hope it gets into the book!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

[This message has been edited by WinterWren (04-26-2003 04:55 PM).]

mindy
Junior Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 34
VA, US

6 posted 2003-04-26 05:23 PM

This is a very good piece...I really enjoyed it. It was a true to life poem.

[This message has been edited by mindy (04-26-2003 05:27 PM).]

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

7 posted 2003-04-26 05:38 PM

Thnx for the replies and votes. I'm glad you liked it. I hope this one makes it in as well. It's shorter so it should be easier then my first.

ex animo,
Aaron

IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

8 posted 2003-04-27 05:01 PM

lol of course i would never DREAM of stalking you.. *wink*

haha I don't think I would know how...

anyway great stuff i hope this makes it in too.

-cassi

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

9 posted 2003-04-27 11:29 PM

I want somebody to declare their love to me... No fair. I'm going to go write a cool poem to try to get somebody to do that... -thinks- Hm. Anyway, I really liked this poem. I enjoy your writing, this one just continues to impress me.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

sing'n fool
Member

since 2003-04-17

Posts 82
Morris, Il

10 posted 2003-04-28 12:33 PM

This is a beautiful poem, and I enjoyed reading it. Congradulations on getting Sorrow in the book. You have my vote for this one too.

Sing'n Fool

Be yourself. Say what you feel. Nothing is wrong. To your own self be real!!

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

11 posted 2003-04-28 02:11 AM

Thnx again everyone, you are all just too nice. I'm glad you liked this. And i'm glad I have a stalker.

Cowboy, someday you'll get a stalker all your own.

Thnx singnfool.

And Cassi, you know I'm just playing with the whole stalker thing. I hope your feeling better.

ex animo,
Aaron Woodside

IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

12 posted 2003-04-28 05:21 PM

actually, i'm quite NOT doing better. And of course you're kidding with the whole stalker thing... i would never DREAM of it... *mwahaha* ... and as a matter of fact aaron woodside... wouldn't you just LOVE to know whats wrong with me? Yeah, me too.

-cassi

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