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newguy04
Junior Member

since 2003-04-23

Posts 17
ohio

0 posted 2003-04-23 06:13 PM

I ruined my chances
I took Advanage
I thought it was funny
But i like her now
And she cant belive
The way I feel about her
It's all my fault
I can only apologize
I wish that was enough
I don't know how to express myself
Maybe this will help
I hate my Life
It will all be over soon
I know now that the choices
that you make will be with
you for the rest of your life
This is the first time that i have dont this sorry if it soes not make sense i am just trying to express myself

-unknown-

[This message has been edited by newguy04 (04-23-2003 06:24 PM).]

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

1 posted 2003-04-24 09:57 PM

Hey great first post! I liked it alot. How the choices me make could lose someone we like.

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

2 posted 2003-04-24 10:43 PM

This was good.  I liked it.  Dealing with emotions is one of the hardest things about growing up.  Sometimes it seems as if it all just keeps piling up and you can't get out. I know the feeling.  Just be patient and be strong.  As the saying goes there is always a silver lining if you look for it.

The trick is to not forget to look.

Unrequited love.  I've been there, hell I am there.  It's tough.  Glad to see your expressing yourself.

Welcome to Pip.  We're glad to have you here.

ex animo,
Aaron

IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

3 posted 2003-04-24 11:43 PM

Welcome to pip! Nice first post, sounded like a good venting poem! Don't ever be sorry for what you write, poetry is an expression of self, it doesn't matter if other people don't understand it! Unfortunatly I do understand what your going through and I empathize with you, growing up can suck at times, but it can also be really good and no matter how depressingly few and far between those times can be..It makes it all worth it!
~Live and Laugh~

Always strive for excellence never perfection.
~Bella~

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

4 posted 2003-04-28 04:23 AM

you express yourself well...if your looking to improve on the poetic quality of your poems, a big key is to try to paint a picture. Try to make us see and feel everything that is there and everything that is happening in vivid reality. Combined with clever phrasing and word usage, it's makes for great poetry...keep writing and welcome.

Jeremy

Be it in the truest form, or a desperate lack thereof, fail not to understand that the inspiration is love.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

5 posted 2003-04-28 10:06 AM

Hello there newbie! I really love free verse so I'm digging this style. The only suggestions I can make is to double check some of the spelling, and watch capitalization in the middle of a sentence. It's a bit distracting from the overall emotion and words you are trying to express. I think that as to the situation, you might be able to correct it, but you'd have to go out on a limb and forgoe all pride. Bring her candy or something, apologize profusely and say what an idiot you were. You might have to do a little sucking up, but girls are naturally forgiving when it comes to sweet guys, just show her how sweet you are.

Good luck
Jenn

"Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me."

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