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sykopathicfreek
Junior Member

since 2003-04-22

Posts 24
ohio, usa

0 posted 2003-04-22 03:45 PM

Come follow me into the darkness of my mind.
Where the full moon shines over the fog.
The tree branches snap in the wind.

Come follow me down this path so dark
Hear the sounds of people screaming.
Blood is oozing through their skin.

Come follow me to the time of darkness.
Feel the chill of Deaths long fingers.
See the horror of the broken bones.

Come follow me and feel the pain i feel.
Feel how the heart shatters into pieces.
Hear the cries of pain.

Come follow me as I sink into the ground.
So you have followed me this far?
Now we are both, down and under.

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

1 posted 2003-04-22 04:15 PM

That poem is so dark and sad but describes many peoples day-to-day lives, very nice poem

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

2 posted 2003-04-22 05:33 PM

I think you need a happy pill and I think I need a shower...but anyway, the poem doesn't need a damn this because it's great...keep it up.

Jeremy

Be it in the truest form, or a desperate lack thereof, fail not to understand that the inspiration is love.

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

3 posted 2003-04-23 02:34 PM

I liked how you just used this, pain and suffering as a lure to get somebody else down with you... Evil indeed! *wicked smile* The imagry was good in this and i liked how well it flowed, especially being a free verse.

Welcome To PIP! My Young Prodegy!

The devil and ghost shall protect you from ill ways!

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

4 posted 2003-04-23 02:43 PM

For a first post this was very good!!!
Welcome to pip!
The imagery in this was strong, and the poem just kinda came together nicely.
Well done.

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

WindSong
Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 313
Long Island, New York

5 posted 2003-04-23 05:16 PM

First off, WELCOME!
Second off, I know exactly what you mean and feel. I feel like this all the time. Thank you for sharing. I'd like to read more, so keep posting!

newguy04
Junior Member

since 2003-04-23

Posts 17
ohio

6 posted 2003-04-23 06:44 PM

I like it alot

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

7 posted 2003-04-24 08:37 PM

haha I agree with Darkness on this one. Very wicked. liked it. good job.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

8 posted 2003-04-24 09:53 PM

I think this was a very good choice for your first post! I LOVED the imagery in it, I could picture everything with ease. I agree with your first reply (I think it was your first one, haha) that for some people its a day by day thing. But anyways, great write and I hope to hear more from ya soon! Oh yeah, and you got my vote! ~Jess

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

9 posted 2003-04-24 10:40 PM

I liked it. Welcome to Pip. Glad to see your entering our contest.

And you don't suck. Just telling you that cuz of your Critique message.

ex animo,
Aaron

IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

10 posted 2003-04-24 11:47 PM

Well I have to agree with Darkness and spine Grinder on this one.:grins evily:.! Seriously though very well done for your first post! I mean great imagery and good context, deep meaning it's all there and I'm feeling it. Keep it up!
~Live and Laugh~

Always strive for excellence never perfection.
~Bella~

babygurl *
Junior Member

since 2001-12-07

Posts 30

11 posted 2003-04-25 11:52 AM

Great poem, as a few ppl said it sounds like a day to day thing. anyways keep it up!!! u got my vote!

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

12 posted 2003-04-26 10:18 AM

grrrrrrrrr everyone likes taking my 7-up guy grrrrrrrrrr look i'm the oldest here so it's mine! lol!!!!!! anyways great poem i loved it and no you don't suck you are quite good in fact!
robin

i am who i am and that's all that i am and all i shall ever be and if you don't like who i am then leave!

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