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Teen Poetry #6

If Only

lilmissbabyteddybear
Junior Member

since 2003-03-16

Posts 17
Abilene, Texas

0 posted 2003-04-21 12:25 PM

Okay.. If you have any coments or advice on this poem to make it better you are way more  then welcome to comment.. thank you.. Jen

IF ONLY..

   If only you knew,
what you put me through.
   If only you knew,
I did what had to be done.

   If only you could see,
the love I thought was so true.
   If only you could feel
my love that is STILL so REAL.

   If only it were all differant,
and I didn't have to feel this pain.
   If only you knew
the love we had was one of a kind

   If only we were still together
and you still love me.
   If only you knew,
I do LOVE you.

   If only you loved me now,
   If only you were mine to hold.

.....All I can say now is,
.....If Only........

lilmissbabyteddybear
Junior Member

since 2003-03-16

Posts 17
Abilene, Texas

1 posted 2003-04-21 12:26 PM

Tell me what you all think.. Thank you all.. Jenny

>>*:):(~+~+~JeNnYgOoD~+~+~:(:)*<<
~*~*~*~lilmissbabyteddybear~*~*~*~

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

2 posted 2003-04-21 12:37 PM

Jenny, you leave no emotion unshared here and that's really good, it's the first step.
Your feeling, rythm, and rhyme sceme are all very enjoyable. My only piece of constructive critism would be to inject some more descriptive imagry into the poem. Paint us a picture of what you're seeing.
If you'de like, refer to my poem Musical Bodies. I think it's a descent example of that...keep it up, you got skill.

Jeremy

Be it in the truest form, or a desperate lack thereof, fail not to understand that the inspiration is love.

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