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Teen Poetry #6
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A poem by me entitled: Helplessness
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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A poem by me entitled: Helplessness |
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Paragon Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114 |
I see... a person surrounded in the darkness blinded unable to see what they're becoming I see.... a person who drowns out the world with blaring noise deaf unable to hear the coming tragedy I see.... a person who hides their wounds denying unable to be flawed I see... a person bound by the chains of routine stagnant unable to better themselves or their life I see... a person overwhelmed by the burden of fitting in hiding unable to to be unique for fear of being rejected I see... a person stricken with the grief of not being able to help helpless unable to heal the broken heart I stretch out my hand through the darkness encompassing them but they can't see it, they dont want to see it, they shut their eyes to avoid seeing... I cry out to them through the violent sounds drowning me out but they cant hear me, they dont want to hear me, they turn up the volume... I try to help them dress their wounds but I cant.. they keep concealing them, they won't show their wounds, they put on more makeup.. I try to show them a better way but they cant change, the routine is to easy and safe, the normality gives them security.. I want to get to know them but the mask hides them, they cant remove it, their fear holds it in place.. I try to help them but they won't let me, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many tears I cry... |
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BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE |
For a first post, this was great!  I love your form and I think the concept is excellent. I can relate to it and understand it perfectly...I felt it as I read. I like poems that make me feel, not think, because feelings are most important. Thank you for sharing. Good job!  ~J.Lynn  "In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..." |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh Paragon, I know just how you feel and I too sympathize with your showing of compassion and wishing you could do much more, sweet friend, sadly so many are stuck in these trances and I pray they can find the courage to open their hearts to the light, God Bless You! (sigh) I generally do not go to Teen Poetry but I want you to know you truly are a gifted poet and you have my vote, Welcome to Passions, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Paragon, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-19-2003 01:03 PM).] |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
"...I see.... a person who drowns out the world with blaring noise deaf unable to hear the coming tragedy..." I see it too. It's a vivid image you penned here. *s When you think you have heard it all, |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
Awesome poem, I can't wait to read more of your poems. Karen |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Excellent poem, sometimes we can only watch until someone is willing to let us be there and help.  Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent. |
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kudosman New Member
since 2003-04-03
Posts 1 |
Excellent poem! Theres not much more i can say than that |
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tornskirt Member
since 2003-03-30
Posts 87 |
 awesome. |
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carol Senior Member
since 2003-01-25
Posts 624Florida USA |
 Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
"I cry out to them through the violent sounds drowning me out but they cant hear me, they dont want to hear me, they turn up the volume..." Wow...great poem! Above are my favorite lines, although I like the rest of it just as much. Just like BabieDoll said, this had feeling. A lot of it. This is surely one of the best poems I've ever read! Good write! ~Jess  "The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept." |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Paragon~ Welcome to Passions! This is a very well written piece. I truly enjoyed the read. Well done.  ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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SilentTears Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371Lost and Broken |
This was a beautiful poem. I felt it the whole way through. You had good form, and excellent visuals. Beautiful job, just beautiful. You have my vote!!! As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
This poem really got to me... I can't express how much I love it. My vote of course, I hope this gets into the book! WinterWren |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
It's rare these days I wander into these parts, but I'm glad to see such talent still exists; that even though I may depart for reality for a time, I can always return here and find people who feel like me and are able to express themselves so well. lol... I sound old... I watch too many sappy anime movies and read to many books... I can deeply feel this poem, because in many ways I am both the helper to others, and the one in need of help. I doubt I could find a poem that could better describe the way I feel right now than this, even if I wrote one. This, if anything, in my opinion, belongs in the book. I hope to see it in there! Too strong to give up, to weak to move on.... |
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Paragon Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114 |
Thanks for all the input... Been thinking of ways to revise this one without changing the meaning behind it. Mainly by removing the cliche sentence about makeup.. My thoughts thus far are to change the line about wanting to know them from a mask being the problem to a wall.. then change the makeup to a mask and format it to sound a bit better... I am glad people can relate to this.. I feel that all the time.. my generation is not what it could be and it is a burden I constantly bear to attempt to better myself, and others around me. However as always there are barriers. thanks again |
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