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Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

0 posted 2003-04-16 06:43 PM

Debating whether this is finished... give some feedback if you would, thanks.

Rolling tides in the sea called sorrow
pull me apart at the seams
the sea's endless ebb and flow
hide the endless dreams
and aspirations for tomorrow

I glance up as I have a million times before
only to see the same veil of grey
obscuring the distant shores
I search for, In vain
obscuring the blue skies
and in that moment icy rain
began to pierce the somber clouds as if they began to cry
the constant yet, sporadic, patter of the rain
seems to scatter my concentration
and ease the pain

Here I am
suspended in this timeless rift
somewhere between trepidation and monotony
without sensation floating adrift
perfect disarray has caught ahold of me
the sands of time continue to sift
through the fabric of being
slowly I close my eyes
and fade away
beyond the sea of sorrow
to another place without a word to say

karebear07
Member

since 2003-04-15

Posts 64
Texas

1 posted 2003-04-16 07:01 PM

Its very moving. I can relate. moving from place to place. I have nothing to say except don't stop using your wonderful gift of writing.
-Karebear07 <><

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-04-16 08:23 PM

Whoa! I really like this poem! Esp. the last few lines..I can relate to this in some ways. Good work! ~Jess

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

3 posted 2003-04-19 08:16 PM

Woah...I really love this poem. It flowed beautifully, and I can relate to this in some ways. This poem was breath taking! Excellent write...absolutely beautiful!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

4 posted 2003-04-20 10:55 PM

Thanks,
to each of you... this is truly how I feel at times. When one thing is finally over another great cloud passes over my light and steals the sunshine I never seem to see. I suppose its the "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome but oh well.

thanks again
steven

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