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Teen Poetry #6
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tornskirt
Member
since 2003-03-30
Posts 87


0 posted 2003-04-15 04:11 PM


this isn't one of my bests:


i'm never gonna leave
get used to me
i'm the pretty little girl
sitting under a tree
i'm all alone
but i will not cry
i'm never gonna leave....
i'm never gonna leave
not like you left me
and broke my heart
i could never hurt you
not like that
i'm never gonna leave...
god i hate you for
leaving me
unlike i'd ever do to you

© Copyright 2003 The Jessica - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2003-04-15 04:43 PM


I like this...the simple language read almost as a pout, but the abandonement issue belies any thoughts of "silly"--there's more here than meets the eye.

If you are really not happy with the quality? Keep this and re work it, it's a great theme, and has lots of possibility.


Paragon
Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114

2 posted 2003-04-15 09:22 PM


with some revision this could be a great poem, as it stands now, I'll agree that this isnt one of your best... but I can see potential within the thought or "theme".

Steven

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
3 posted 2003-04-16 05:34 PM


"I'm the pretty girl sitting under a tree...
I'm all alone, but I will not cry...I'll never leave".  really like those line...nice poem....kick his ass.

Curse not upon love, for it is the greatest of great things. Be it not love that curses you....but thy lack thereof. -J.D.H.


SilentTears
Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371
Lost and Broken
4 posted 2003-04-19 09:24 PM


This is good. My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago yesterday, so I can definetly relate to this. Very good work.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

tornskirt
Member
since 2003-03-30
Posts 87

5 posted 2003-04-20 10:17 AM


i love it when ppl can relate to my poetry, i like that... thanks guys
hey, silenttears, i'm sorry

never leave the light on if you don't want to be found

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