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EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

0 posted 2003-04-06 04:51 PM

4:48 am
and I'm up and about.

(Only twelve minutes to go)

Here I stand
with a dead, grey microcosm at my feet.

(Ten minutes)

Here at last
for a final freefall.

(Eight minutes)

I kissed you on the forehead
and I'm so sorry.

(Six minutes)

Identify me by a single blue rose
etched into my left buttock.

(Four minutes)

The clouds crack open
The sky is calling.

(Two minutes)

I stretch my arms
Half-wishing someone would hold me.

Watch me fade.
Watch me fade
Watch me
Watch me
Watch.....
just watch.

(Zero)

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

SixtiesChick03
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 49
NV

1 posted 2003-04-06 07:27 PM

I liked the different technique you used in writing your poem. I think that could be a good style for your writing. Overall, Iliked your poem. Keep up the good work.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2003-04-06 08:11 PM

I needed an Ellie poem, I haven't read you in so long and I was like whooooo theres an Ellie to read. I love love love love times a bazillion love the style you wrote this in. That is such a cool technique. Great title too, it really drew me in. Loved it.....

Riley

Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2003-04-07 07:35 PM

(big hugggssssss) Oh Eleanor, this is beautiful, sweet friend, the ending is sad but I love the style of this and this deserves to be in Reflections, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Eleanor, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

carol
Senior Member

since 2003-01-25

Posts 624
Florida USA

4 posted 2003-04-17 09:35 PM

Great job

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

jaysh
Member

since 2003-04-16

Posts 133
IL, USA

5 posted 2003-04-17 09:55 PM

yeah I also really liked how you wrote this, and I think it is good and good luck to you with getting in the book, you have my vote, I think you have talent, and keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your work!

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken