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Teen Poetry #6

where i wanted to go

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

0 posted 2003-04-04 03:06 AM

I was walking through
The hills on day
I stopped to find
I had lost my way

I missed a step
A path or two
And many decisions
I never thought through

I found myself
Where I’ve never been
The new decisions
Made my head spin

I looked up the road
And down again
I found the answer
From within

I went a way
I didn't know
And for me that's
Where I wanted to go

X Q poet
Junior Member

since 2003-03-25

Posts 47

1 posted 2003-04-04 10:44 AM

Hi,

Writing so short lines is difficult when it comes to rythm. You have very little space to play around in... I think you've done it quite well, but there are some lines that break the rythm a little...

I do think that the poem is good, it has a nice feel to it. I would re-read some of the lines though, and see if you can mold them a little closer to perfection

If you'd like some further words, feel free to mail me...

http://www.xqpoetry.com <-- Now with forums! :)

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2003-04-04 05:38 PM

I really love this poem! My vote definitely!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

[This message has been edited by WinterWren (04-04-2003 05:38 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2003-04-05 03:24 PM

(smiles) Yay! Yes, you MUST always go the road less travelled, follow your heart and don't let the media or conformity get to you, follow what you think is right and you will find true happiness! (big hugggssssss) This is wonderful, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Matt, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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