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Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

0 posted 2002-10-04 02:47 PM

I look at you and you look at me,
For that moment everything is special everything is Perfect.
Then the next second everything is ruined by fate…
Were we meant for each other or did I just need someone to run to?
Everything is horrible for we now are over,
And this time we won’t end up together!

What will the future hold for us?
Even if we’re not together I want you to be happy.
Because one of us deserves to be!
And if your not in my life,
There’s no way I can be happy.
Will we be together again?

Oh it’s seems so far from reality.
But will fate bring us close once again?
I hope so because…
I want things to go back to the way they once were

If we never speak to each other again,
I have to let you know what’s happening to me.
I’m sitting here crying…
Because of you,
I lost the person I was before fate brought us close!

[This message has been edited by Pollita (10-04-2002 03:04 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-05 01:44 AM

This is pretty good. I'd ease up on the exclaimation points a little bit, it's hard to read those at the end of a normal sentence, especially a longer one, as by the time the reader comes across it they're probably already reading it normally, and might have to go back and read it once more...

That's all I feel the need to point out, it's the only thing that really bothered me. Other than that, good work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2002-10-14 09:54 AM

This is a wonderful peice of poetry, thanks for sharing it with us, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-14 02:38 PM

The ending pretty much tricked me. I liked it though. The poem was pretty well written.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

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