dead in the archives [with two replies]

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quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2002-10-01 10:06 PM

Painful few trudge through lives amiss;
Pray!  Please just one moment of bliss.

[Is there no release?]

They dance to silent drummers' beat,
etching words on chips obsolete.

[No, it's never [ever] good enough.]

Pathetic!  Copy, drop and paste.
Fragile emotions know no haste.

[Over and over, one day it may work.]

So gone my day.  As is my night.
Here is my secret - please don't fright.

[Help me, can't you?  Will you see me in time?]

But now I fear my words will drown.
For hands too eager can't slow down.

[Lost forever, amidst the endless sea of blue.]

- - - - - - - -

a few notes:

- this was indeed to get a message across.  since we aren't able to post messages that do not contain poems in this forum, i got this wonderful idea from andrew.  kudos to you.
- and yes, fright is also a transitive verb.  for those who may have confused it with the noun.

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-01-2002 10:34 PM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-10-01 10:37 PM

well I like this and the message you are getting across. and I understood the fright thing....

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-02 12:12 PM

I do think that people should put as much effort into giving feedback as they do posting poetry. It's bothersome to see a load of posted poems by people who don't take the time to reply to others.

Nice writing here, too, Jen... most people's "make-a-point-but-make-a-poem" poetry isn't at all good... but you put at least a few moments' thought into this.

Nicely written and well expressed. It's too bad that the people who really need to read this, probably never will. Although your title is attention-grabbing.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2002-10-02 07:19 AM

I'm raising more eyebrow, m'dear...a lot more.

I've got your point down pat, Jen. I do like this style from you though. You're basically handing the message to the reader on a silver platter yet they still have to do some work to get the full meaning. *sigh* I'm worried but still I worry about you alot. Brilliant title BTW.

Take care of yourself, yeah?

Me.

"It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2002-10-14 09:51 AM

Well this just will not do *wonders how he missed this*, this is just wonderful, I'm glad that someone else feels the same way about what has been happening around here, although I must admit that things have improved a little since I wrote my poem. Anyway I just loved this, one for the library me thinks