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Teen Poetry #6
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A Mutiny of Faith
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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A Mutiny of Faith |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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Treading, a ghost in the haze of the past Sauntering, warily, into the night All of your terrors ablaze in your mast All of your purpose a trickle of light Masking your words from a fear of their power Knowingly trailing your numbness in ease You are a lotus, a marvelous flower You are a lotus awake in the breeze Climb to the towers, the snowfall they beckon Look to the heavens and sigh with disgust Yield to their majesty, just for a second Yield to their majesty, sizzl'ing with lust You are alone, and they needn't permit you Toss'd like a ship in a torrent of hail You are unknown to the fates that submit you Into the oceans with not but a sail Storms will o'er-ride you, and capsize your shuttle Nothing for you will remain when they calm Soldiers of heaven so seldom lay subtle So easily crushed in the weaker man's palm Nary a sword you could brandish in battle, Nary a shield you could hold to defend, Nary a diety to praise as you prattle, Helplessly stuttering "be this the end?" Swiftly, the acolytes dive in a cluster Soon you are ripp'd into scraps by the storm You are a lotus of tarnishing lustre You are a lotus, a withering form Slain as a failure, but wallow not jealous The heavens will crumble when justice arrives And yes, ev'ry petal that falls from your trellis Puts roots to the ground, and on vengeance, survives. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
Well, seeing as how u always reply to mine, i'd like to reply to yours, i thought this was amazing, one day i hope to write so well, i got some good images in my head while reading this, good write, u have a very interesting subject matter in ur poems. |
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Chloey Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 74in a silver mustang convertible |
hey you are so nice about what you write tome and i know ur honest so im gonna be honest w/ you..................it is ...... !  !AWESOME! !You can fall from the sky, |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
I am going wit Shady up there, since you reply to mine.....I shall return the favour! This was cool.....I really liked the rhyming thing that was going on in this....I am no interpriter ( sp? ) or have never tried....so lets not try ok.....sorry, maybe over e-mail, when I have a lot of time! Enough rambling......great poem... Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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StellarChica Member
since 2002-07-06
Posts 207floating down a river... |
Dude, you are awesome. I just thought I'd let you know. You rock my world. Yes indeedy. Although, I'm a bit jealous because I could never write as well as you. *~erin~* "You write the lie you want to be when your life looks like a book you wouldn't read."-Jets To Brazil |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I'm glad this is getting such a good response.  |
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anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113 |
I love these lines: And yes, ev'ry petal that falls from your trellis Puts roots to the ground, and on vengeance, survives. i dont know how to describe what i think of it, im just speechless!!!! i just love the poem and everything it evokes such stong emotions of despair, hate, hope ,anger... i dont know but its really really nice (i dont really think nice is the word for it), ok its really really ....superb? excellent? dunno what i should describe it. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
this was -beautiful- brian. imagery was great, flow was great, rhyme scheme was great. it kills me all that talent you have. *poke* after reading a piece of yours that is just brimming with skill, i always wonder how long it took you to write and edit. you make it look easy dear :p this was my fav stanza: quote: This is in the library. “A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.” |
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Kodoku New Member
since 2002-10-08
Posts 5 |
o.O I honestly don't know what to say. It's awesome, definately better than my stuff. Interpretations? aiya... *wanders off looking dazed* |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
"Treading, a ghost in the haze of the past Sauntering, warily, into the night All of your terrors ablaze in your mast All of your purpose a trickle of light" "...trickle of light " for some reason, this sticks out in my mind and I absolutely love this. Light seems to trickle, quite like water.. hmm. "Masking your words from a fear of their power Knowingly trailing your numbness in ease You are a lotus, a marvelous flower You are a lotus awake in the breeze" Ok, I absolutely love the entire concept and portrayl of the lotus... "Climb to the towers, the snowfall they beckon Look to the heavens and sigh with disgust Yield to their majesty, just for a second Yield to their majesty, sizzl'ing with lust" "Yield to their majesty, just for a second, yield to their majesty, sizzling with lust" I adore these lines! They stick in my mind for some reason, creating a distinct...hmmm... voice, maybe? hell if I know. "You are alone, and they needn't permit you Toss'd like a ship in a torrent of hail You are unknown to the fates that submit you Into the oceans with not but a sail" Once again, marvelous! "Storms will o'er-ride you, and capsize your shuttle Nothing for you will remain when they calm Soldiers of heaven so seldom lay subtle So easily crushed in the weaker man's palm" "So easily crushed in the weaker man's palm"... AH! Excellent! "Nary a sword you could brandish in battle, Nary a shield you could hold to defend, Nary a diety to praise as you prattle, Helplessly stuttering "be this the end?" "Swiftly, the acolytes dive in a cluster Soon you are ripp'd into scraps by the storm You are a lotus of tarnishing lustre You are a lotus, a withering form" Once again, I love the portion about the lotus! "Slain as a failure, but wallow not jealous The heavens will crumble when justice arrives And yes, ev'ry petal that falls from your trellis Puts roots to the ground, and on vengeance, survives." AHH! EXCELLENT ENDING, MY DEAR! T'is a wonderful, wonderful write! Thank you for brightening my day! "You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Boo. You know it's a pain in the ass that I can't call you Mr Riverwood anymore. Did you know that?  This is probably one of the most interesting reads I've seen you write, Brian. It not only used a great rhyme scheme to bring it all into perspective but also a really unique blend of imagery. You've combined the elements of nature and the psyche well to give a piece that is truly genuine in strength. quote: This part caught my attention the most. It was possibly the mention of a succumbing without intent that brought it right up. Water always held a high place in this brain of mine so that helped. Overall its a brilliantly crafted write. I'm most impressed (as per usual  )and can't stress enough how fantastic this is. You've done a good job, sir. Be proud.~AF~ "It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this poem. The style, the form, the scheme, the wording. Everything in this poem pleased me. You wrote is VERY well. I do look forward to much more.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
I liked this. I don't know why, but I did. Well done! Ellie |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
i really liked this. it gave out great imagery. it told a story. |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Mmmm...yes, imagery is right! The images were very RPGish, I might add! I love these little stories that each one of your poetry tells! Hmmmm...this has a very---shadowy feel to it though. You weren't listening to :W: whilst writing this, where you? All I do, is think about you... |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Actually Alex, I wasn't listening to anything... I've been listening to a lot of Leæther Strip lately, which has been affecting my writing... but not this one. Good guess though... hehe [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-12-2002 11:13 PM).] |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Dude... can I learn to write like you? Please? |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
::stares in awe::  i LUVED this SO much WOW!!!!! omg WOW i cant express how much i liked this...just..WOW its goin in my library You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel. |
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Crazy Eddie Member
since 2002-09-14
Posts 178 |
A very well put together piece, I enjoyed the read. Thanks for the chance to read and reply |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I'll be back for this, I promise you that. Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Hey, you changed your pic. That last one was so... cool.  Sincerely, Titus |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Yeah! Don't you agree, that the picture changes the content and value of his poem? It's not real, it's just a drawback I wish to feel... |
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