Not Perfect - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Tabitha LeAnn
Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 50
Kansas, USA

0 posted 2003-03-28 03:19 PM

I hate the way I'm forced to put on a show everyday,
would it really be so terrible if I didn't get an A,
would you not love me if I didn't ace the pop quiz today,
would you ever concieder sending me away.
If just once I wasn't voted captain of the team,
or if I wasn't valavictorian would it make you scream,
maybe if i had no looks you'd want to throw my life away,
or if I got pregnant would you really let us stay.
If the day you find out I'm not listening to the things you want me to believe,
will you break down on your knees and cry,
or just continue to force me to lie.

[This message has been edited by Tabitha LeAnn (03-28-2003 03:19 PM).]

Dance
Junior Member

since 2003-03-28

Posts 34

1 posted 2003-03-28 07:35 PM

I know the feeling. Very very easy to relate too. Never stop writing!

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2003-03-29 01:10 AM

I think you are getting somewhere with this, but aren't quite there yet. Just my opinion..
I like this though, maybe just some more critiques and you'll find what you need.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

Lindsay
Member

since 2003-03-26

Posts 59
South Dakota

3 posted 2003-03-29 10:15 PM

i liked your poem
i think all of us know the pressures of people wanting us to be perfect all the time and you try to be perfect so you don't let anybody down

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

4 posted 2003-03-30 02:14 PM

aahhh this was like a release poem. very good...i'm assuming, which is a bad thing, this is about your parents. have u ever considered letting them read it? it's never a bad thing to let your parents know how you really feel about things. they will appreciate your honesty. i promise...anyway...i'm rambling. good work

*dQ

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Drummerboy06
Junior Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 46
Indiana

5 posted 2003-03-30 02:29 PM

I agree with NSnaomian. We know what you are trying to say, but you arent quite there yet. It is missing something, other than rhythm. I noticed you have rhyme in this piece, but why not rhythm? From my personal experences, rhyme and rhythm go together like peanut butter and jam, cant really have one without the other. Just my two cents anyway.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. - Robert F

SilentFreija
Junior Member

since 2003-03-30

Posts 37

6 posted 2003-03-30 05:42 PM

I liked the poem, it was great. And I know so many people who could relate, they're forced to live a lie, they have to always try and be perfect. Me on the other hand..well, I don't give a crap what people think of me, I think that's why so many people respect me. Great poem.

Where you look for broken hearts...you'll find me...
mend my broken heart and love me
because I forget how to smile.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.