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Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2003-03-28 02:06 AM

I still see their smiles drop flat off their faces
like pilling rocks that wall in my embraces.
The towering stones of the highest rejection;
the drops in the water distorting reflection.
I drown in what if's in the darkness of morning,
then sleep to the sound of my conscious’ scorning.
When will someone break down these bars made of skin?
They keep everyone out, while they keep me within.

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

1 posted 2003-03-28 08:04 AM

Hey this was good. It was one of the best flowing poems I've heard in a while.

Muy Bien!
DArKNeSS

<html> <font face="comic sans ms">The immediate future is a thing of the past.</font></html>

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2003-03-28 09:47 AM

I like it. Good imagery. I thought the last two lines were especially thought-provoking.

Thanks for the read
Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2003-03-28 02:45 PM

I haven't seen anything from you lately...
I liked this and as the others said... it flows very well.
I liked this very much and you definitely have my vote.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

Tabitha LeAnn
Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 50
Kansas, USA

4 posted 2003-03-28 03:07 PM

OHHHHH AMAZING!!! I LOVED THIS, IT WAS SO DEEP, IT REALLY MADE ME FEAL WHAT YOU WERE SAYING.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-03-28 10:11 PM

"bars made of skin"...I really liked the last two lines, a lot of motion and frustration in this piece that I can relate too. Some great images you've created.
I loved this..
~Lexy

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

6 posted 2003-03-29 11:35 AM

Kevin, I don't think I've ever read your
poetry before. This is really good. I love
the rhyme. I enjoyed reading.
Hugs,
Ethel

Alicethruglass
Member

since 2001-06-19

Posts 368

7 posted 2003-03-29 05:25 PM

your poetry flows so nicely...and I agree so much with the meaning behind your words..

I drown in what if's also

~A~

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

8 posted 2003-03-29 10:17 PM

i echo what everyone else said...a pity though that this is in Teens...with its relatively low readership, this may not garner sufficient votes...

you secured mine though

Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 551
Pennsylvania

9 posted 2003-03-29 11:28 PM

Some wonderful imagery here. I can certainly say that I relate. This is going into my library.

www.enterthemuse.com

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

10 posted 2003-03-30 12:13 PM

I can relate as well....this is really nice, Kevin.

~Liz

Waited on a line of greens and blues, just to be the next to be with you..
~Mr. Big

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

11 posted 2003-03-30 01:59 PM

awwwww Kevy

i miss reading your poetry. i haven't been here in a long time and i thought i'd stop in and see what was new. wonderful piece...as always. guess i'll have to stop by more often if you're posting again! take care sweetheart**

-=Kiley

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Drummerboy06
Junior Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 46
Indiana

12 posted 2003-03-30 02:36 PM

yes, the last two lines are especially thought provoking, arent they? not bad, but something about a few of the lines really bother me, the rhythm to be specific, or lack thereof. In the second line and the last two lines, the rhythm there is othing like that of the rest of the poem and when i read it, my attention was focused on those lines and how they just stuck out in an odd way, not a good thing. I suggest that you rewrite these lines to make them fit the rest of the rhythm pattern in the poem, and then it will be much better.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. - Robert F

SilentFreija
Junior Member

since 2003-03-30

Posts 37

13 posted 2003-03-30 04:53 PM

I love poems like yours! Keep up the goodwork! I also really like your medaphores [how do you spell that?]lol GREAT POEM! Also since I'm a newbie, can someone please tell me how to put up an avatar?

Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

14 posted 2003-03-30 08:40 PM

This was an awsome poem..very very thought provoking and from the heart..although I loved the whole thing..I really like the last two lines the best!!! Congrats...keep the great poems coming from your sweet heart!!!
Jenn

**It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not**

pearl6884
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 72
California coast

15 posted 2003-03-31 01:07 PM

Nice job, buddy! Hope you keep them coming, more for me to read!

Seriously, you have talent.

*To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower...Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour...*
-Blake

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

16 posted 2003-04-02 04:44 PM

niiiiiice.

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

17 posted 2003-04-03 03:59 PM

I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this and I thought you did a really good and creative job describing something that we can all relate to. You have an effective way with words.

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

18 posted 2003-04-04 05:48 AM

Just to say I liked this very much, flowed nicley, consice and to the point, every word seemed to fit, I was left with impression of a very well rrounded poem, well done
Anya

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

19 posted 2003-04-04 07:34 PM

Awesome poem. I especially love the line, "the towering stones of highest rejection."
Great job, sorry I didn't get to comment on it earlier.
Congratulations on being accepted!

WinterWren
"Even a fool knows that we cannot touch the stars, but that doesn't keep the wise from trying."

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

20 posted 2003-04-04 09:52 PM

holy....i really liked this! this was great. awesome job kev.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

21 posted 2003-05-13 02:13 AM

liked the write here Kevin....

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

22 posted 2003-05-13 05:50 AM

KEVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! great poem hun i loved it! hey what happened to your sister? i miss talking to her.
robin

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and men!
cody saw some pigs so he tried to fly but he fell and went BOOM!

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

23 posted 2003-05-13 10:26 AM

Wow..this was really good! I'm glad this one got into the book, it surely deserves to be! ~Jess

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly."

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

24 posted 2003-05-14 01:04 AM

i havent read anything of yours in a long time, but i must say "WOW" every line makes me want to keep reading. very nice job. I loved the imagery!!!

-Erica-

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

25 posted 2003-05-15 01:18 PM

"When will someone break down these bars made of skin?
They keep everyone out, while they keep me within."

An oldie eh, Kevin? A beautiful, thought-provoking read. The last two lines are something I'm sure many can relate to. Wonderful poem, and a good job relating to many. Good read.. Thanks for posting!

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

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