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Teen Poetry #6

Gone, Just Gone

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-03 10:47 PM

twittering eyes caught in a glance
i thought we were ment to be
for some that is all in life
i strive to have more
wanting
needs
i will get

shout at me all you want
words are no longer my enemy
but my soul friend
the only way i know
to express myself
now

get over the sad feelings
felt for a million years
and yern towards the sweet things
which make you the person you are

now gone

( short and might need some work )

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-04-2002 08:00 AM).]

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

1 posted 2002-10-03 10:50 PM

i luv you and ur poems ur such an awesome poet and you are my mentor haha for real you got me on this poem kick its good for venting thanx!!!Remeber a 91% in Math is ok!!

*$*Chloey*$*

Revenge is sweet
But paybacks a bitch

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-03 11:53 PM

I don't really think this needs any work.  I like the redundance of the title, Riley... it makes it unusual, kind of neat.

Good work on that aspect of it.  This poem isn't bad at all, and I think that what you should focus on if you do in fact edit this is the line breaks... where are they important?  Where are they not?

Just food for thought.  I've been really hard on people about line breaks lately.  Guess it's my flavour of the month.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-10-04 07:52 AM

Ah....good flavour huh? Mine is totally bummed out.........and tired! Thanks Chloey....might take me some time to accept it though.
<3

Ri

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

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