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Teen Poetry #6
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Class
Member
since 1999-12-21
Posts 93
In Poetry Class

0 posted 2003-03-26 02:20 PM


Entropy

Pondering my end of days
Contemplating time gone by
Hoping I had used them well
With numbered breaths before I die

Facing my mortality
Knowing life is savory
Wishing for more memories

What has yet to become
Much to do that?s left undone
Battles still unwon

Days are ones of brevity
Wishing for longevity

If life spanned eternity
And we knew no entropy
As to dying, there?s no way
So why do anything today

Be sure to have some pride
Before you up and die
Make sure your life is chased
Don?t let it go to waste

Don?t let this day pass you by
Step right up and don?t be shy
I?d rather great mortality
Than scores of mediocrity

-- Josh Work

© Copyright 2003 Class - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-03-27 10:00 AM



Josh!  This is some work, all right!
You are very wise for your years, my friend!

This is very good.  I would only suggest that you replace the "?" with an "apostrophe" so as not to confuse your readers.  A very good job on this!

        Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...

wings of the moon
Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323
Pink bubblegum land
2 posted 2003-03-27 11:02 AM


oh its a beautiful piece....

"Facing my mortality
Knowing life is savory
Wishing for more memories"

well done!!!!   

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
3 posted 2003-03-27 12:01 PM



Josh~
Wow!  This is VERY well written.
You are quite the talented poet, and I am truly impressed.
Excellent work!
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
4 posted 2003-03-28 10:44 AM


Looks like a success, Josh...
NSnaomian
Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232
In my troll closet I be
5 posted 2003-03-28 02:34 PM


Fantastic indeed! I also liked your second stanza.
This is very well done.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

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