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Teen Poetry #6

Will She make It?

Hallucination
Member

since 2001-03-18

Posts 419

0 posted 2003-03-25 06:47 PM

"Will She Make It?"
(26/03/03)
© 2003 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

He told her there's someone else.
He told her with dry eyes.
After,
he told her she was beautiful,
but I guess those are words
of a cold, cold man...

He's packed and ready to leave,
turns to her with a smile.
Before,
leaning in and kissing her cheek,
but I guess those are ways
of a cold, cold man....

It's gonna be a long, long night,
without someone by her side.
It's gonna be a long, long, fight,
to get back into the light.
will she make it?

She fell dying on the couch.
She felt so horrible.
And now,
she is crying herself to sleep,
she is lost deep inside
of a lone, lone heart...

She wakes up the next morning,
awakes with a spirit.
That she,
will survive allright on her own,
without him and the words
of a cold, cold man...

It's gonna be a long, long night,
without someone by her side.
It's gonna be a long, long, fight,
to get back into the light.
will she make it?

And she thought she loved him,
but now it's sinking in.
And really needed him,
but now it's sinking in.
It was bound to end...

[This message has been edited by Hallucination (03-25-2003 06:50 PM).]

Drummerboy06
Junior Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 46
Indiana

1 posted 2003-03-26 12:59 PM

Amazing, this was great. After the first stanza, I saw how long it was I was thinking that you couldnt possibly be able to keep the rest of the poem that strong, you would weaken and start to fall apart at some point. That with this abnormal writing style, this wont interest me much (im usually not a big fan of wierd writing styles), but you sure as heck proved me wrong!! The begining was very strong, and then it only got stronger, not a single line fell to the power of the poem. You had held my attention to the last word, and when it was finished, i was still wanting more. This was an awesome write.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. - Robert F

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