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Teen Poetry #6

Special Feeling...

HeroicVillan
Junior Member

since 2002-11-09

Posts 34
Lost.....

0 posted 2003-03-23 10:04 PM

what i ever saw in you
wasn't there to see
a feeling that felt brand new
turned out not to be

you never even loved me
never really even cared
it could have been so easy
who knows what we'd have shared

now youve gone and left me here
what am i supposed to do
never be able to get near
to that feeling thats so new

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

1 posted 2003-03-24 02:12 PM

Very sad, but you did a good job! Nice poem.

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

Drummerboy06
Junior Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 46
Indiana

2 posted 2003-03-24 07:12 PM

been there, done that. I know exactly how you feel, but you will get over it. This is pretty good, nice amount of feeling described here. I do have one suggestion though: in the secong line of the second stanza, take out either 'really' or 'even.' With both, the line seems to full and lenghty for the lines around it. great job other than that.

pearl6884
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 72
California coast

3 posted 2003-03-25 12:34 PM

We all have the ability to play with people's hearts. One day, you'll find that person who doesn't want to, though. *applause*

*To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower...Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour...*
-Blake

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