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Teen Poetry #6
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A week away
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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A week away |
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Hallucination Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419 |
"A Week Away" (20/03/03) © 2003 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved And he puts his hands into The pockets of his ripped coat Walk away in shoes with no soles Dry his eyes with dirty sleeves Wondering where he's to go The bar always put on nice show It's another awefull night It's another painfull fight... IT'S ANOTHER ISSUE JUST GOT TO TALK IT THROUGH THE LONG BLACK HIGHWAY'S GONE AND IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON THOUGH NIGHTMARES STILL STANDS STRONG Haven't shaved for 'least a week His breathe's getting kind of bad Staying over at friends like that The bottle's comforting him As he's staring down the phone So tired of being alone And it's time to go home now She's worried 'bout where he is IT'S ANOTHER ISSUE JUST GOT TO TALK IT THROUGH THE LONG BLACK HIGHWAY'S GONE AND IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON THOUGH NIGHTMARES STILL STAND STRONG It's another awefull night It's another painfull fight It's another loveless feeling inside But it's changing tonight IT'S ANOTHER ISSUE JUST GOT TO TALK IT THROUGH THE LONG BLACK HIGHWAY'S GONE AND IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON THOUGH NIGHTMARES STILL STANDS STRONG |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Brian, wow i really liked this piece. it was jam packed with imagery, so vivid. Regina "Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage, Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved" |
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CSwtThng Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 124 |
Very nice poem! I really enjoyed it. |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
Very realistic, very good piece, I'm truely impressed. one of my favorites parts was " he's staring down the phone, so tired of being alone." don't know if I got it quite right, but I loved that part. That and the first verse, I really liked how you started the poem with and, its so familiar, like you've alrady told the fiirst part of the story and your picking up where you left off. Loved that. But something that kinda through me was the way you worded the first verse. I'm sure if you go back and look at it you'll know what I'm talking about, maybe you did it on purpose, it just confussed me. The nightmares still STANDS (?) strong, did you mean to type stand. or maybe the nightmare stills stand strong? GREAT poem! I loved it. ~Lexy  P.s I only write long replys if I really liked what the person did...  |
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