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Teen Poetry #6
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BrokenAngel
Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

0 posted 2003-03-18 02:46 PM


They never fade
They never run
They always fight

They encourage peace
They encourage equlity
They encourage unity

They are strong
They are wise
They are young

They fly in countries other than ours
They fly to show aliance
They fly to show protection

But now they burn in streets
Now they are spit on
Now they are torn apart

Now our colors are attacked
They are wounded
Stained with the blood of there own

Now there meaning stands truer than ever
Now they are flown high and proud
Now they mourn for there loss

Now they strive to take revenge
To take care of the cancer
To protect there survivors

Our color's troops
They serve as messengers
The message of strength and firmness

Never again will they attack us
Never again will they burn the colors
Never again will they spill our blood

So hears to the colors
That will never fade
That will never be folded

God bless the U.S.A.!!!

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

© Copyright 2003 Hannah Rochelle Garner - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2003-03-18 09:03 PM


I have to say I like your style, how you use technique and formatting to enhance, rather than to restrict.  A simple idea you've adapted here, but you've done it in such a way that its simplicity makes the message more sharp.  

I like your use of double meanings, I found much of that extremely clever.  Colours, they never "run."  They will never be "folded."  

There's more to this poem than appears at the surface, I like that about it.  Your casual free-versing style and use of repetition reminds me of some of Walt Whitman's poetry.

Despite this, I disagree with the overall message and political view of the poem, but that makes it no less a fine piece of poetry.    Well done, I'll hope to see it in Reflections.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2003-03-18 10:32 PM


Excellent choice for the book.
~Hugs~

~ A dream is a wish your heart makes ~

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2003-03-19 12:42 PM




(big hugggssssss) I must also agree with LP and say I disagree very much with the political nature of this, but nevertheless you write with heart and that is what crafts a fine poet! (sigh) As far as I can see, the red on our flag is bleeding crimson so I willpray, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Hannah, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

PoeTik JusTice
Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186
California, USA
4 posted 2003-03-19 12:36 PM


Loved this! Haven't read a poem about the World in a while. Good Work! It's good to see other people's faith in the country!  nd yes...God bless the USA!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
     *~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

BrokenAngel
Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA
5 posted 2003-03-19 07:22 PM


Thanks every one for not allowing your political views influence your reply on this.  I mainly wrote it because as most of you know, I'm a future Marine so whats going on right now really hits me hard.  I would only like to ask for your support to our troops.

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

Alicethruglass
Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368

6 posted 2003-03-20 07:45 PM


Here's to the  future Marine..I wish you well *s
Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
7 posted 2003-03-21 09:34 AM


You have penned a wonderful poem here showing your honor for Our country. Thank you. May your time in the Marines be safe and educational.

Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent.



WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
8 posted 2003-03-21 12:13 PM


Very nicely done.
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
9 posted 2003-03-21 11:06 PM


I commend your conviction!
Well said in this format. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

DawnG
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494
United States
10 posted 2003-03-22 04:17 AM


I really enjoyed the message you portrayed here.

                  Dawn

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2003-03-24 10:38 AM


You most definitely have my vote!

Good for you!

        Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...

Echo
Junior Member
since 2003-02-20
Posts 14
the abyss
12 posted 2003-03-24 10:47 AM


so much of you poem rings true, that it almost scares me.  i wish you all the luck in the marines, and i can't wait to see your poem in Passions.  gj

eyes see, ears hear, mind believes

Drummerboy06
Junior Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 46
Indiana
13 posted 2003-03-24 07:27 PM


I like the ideas portrayed in this piece, just not the way you presented them.  In the first four stanzas, everything is basically the same but the last word or so.  This over using of repetition is weakening the poem in my opinion.  It is just too much, every time i started up on another stanza with the repeating lines like that, Im thinking "not again."  the images and ideas in here are fabulous, the way you presented them wasnt.  This may just be me, but you asked us to be honest, so I was.  If you can find an alternative way to write them, then im sure this will be much, much better.
teenpoet
Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280
Michigan
14 posted 2003-04-30 02:25 PM


You have done a nice job with this poem, even if I don't entirely agree with your political veiws.  Good luck in the marines, although I am thinking of going into the army, personally.  Although they are all much the same.  To each their own.  

~Keep dreaming~

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