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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Colors |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA 
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They never fade They never run They always fight They encourage peace They encourage equlity They encourage unity They are strong They are wise They are young They fly in countries other than ours They fly to show aliance They fly to show protection But now they burn in streets Now they are spit on Now they are torn apart Now our colors are attacked They are wounded Stained with the blood of there own Now there meaning stands truer than ever Now they are flown high and proud Now they mourn for there loss Now they strive to take revenge To take care of the cancer To protect there survivors Our color's troops They serve as messengers The message of strength and firmness Never again will they attack us Never again will they burn the colors Never again will they spill our blood So hears to the colors That will never fade That will never be folded God bless the U.S.A.!!! Read my work and read my thoughts |
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| © Copyright 2003 Hannah Rochelle Garner - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I have to say I like your style, how you use technique and formatting to enhance, rather than to restrict. A simple idea you've adapted here, but you've done it in such a way that its simplicity makes the message more sharp. I like your use of double meanings, I found much of that extremely clever. Colours, they never "run." They will never be "folded." There's more to this poem than appears at the surface, I like that about it. Your casual free-versing style and use of repetition reminds me of some of Walt Whitman's poetry. Despite this, I disagree with the overall message and political view of the poem, but that makes it no less a fine piece of poetry. Well done, I'll hope to see it in Reflections. Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent choice for the book. ~Hugs~ ~ A dream is a wish your heart makes ~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) I must also agree with LP and say I disagree very much with the political nature of this, but nevertheless you write with heart and that is what crafts a fine poet! (sigh) As far as I can see, the red on our flag is bleeding crimson so I willpray, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Hannah, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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PoeTik JusTice Member
since 2003-01-05
Posts 186California, USA |
Loved this! Haven't read a poem about the World in a while. Good Work! It's good to see other people's faith in the country! nd yes...God bless the USA!  XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
Thanks every one for not allowing your political views influence your reply on this. I mainly wrote it because as most of you know, I'm a future Marine so whats going on right now really hits me hard. I would only like to ask for your support to our troops. Read my work and read my thoughts |
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Alicethruglass Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368 |
Here's to the future Marine..I wish you well *s |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
You have penned a wonderful poem here showing your honor for Our country. Thank you. May your time in the Marines be safe and educational.  Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent. |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Very nicely done.  |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
I commend your conviction! Well said in this format. *s When you think you have heard it all, |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
I really enjoyed the message you portrayed here. Dawn |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You most definitely have my vote! Good for you! |
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Echo Junior Member
since 2003-02-20
Posts 14the abyss |
so much of you poem rings true, that it almost scares me. i wish you all the luck in the marines, and i can't wait to see your poem in Passions. gj eyes see, ears hear, mind believes |
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Drummerboy06 Junior Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 46Indiana |
I like the ideas portrayed in this piece, just not the way you presented them. In the first four stanzas, everything is basically the same but the last word or so. This over using of repetition is weakening the poem in my opinion. It is just too much, every time i started up on another stanza with the repeating lines like that, Im thinking "not again." the images and ideas in here are fabulous, the way you presented them wasnt. This may just be me, but you asked us to be honest, so I was. If you can find an alternative way to write them, then im sure this will be much, much better. |
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teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
You have done a nice job with this poem, even if I don't entirely agree with your political veiws. Good luck in the marines, although I am thinking of going into the army, personally. Although they are all much the same. To each their own. ~Keep dreaming~ |
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