Claws, Poison, and Salt (revision)

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BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

0 posted 2003-03-21 06:41 PM

I went through and redid it, sorry of it makes people mad that I reposted it.
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Claws grasp my heart
They burn like dragon's fire
The muscle charred to a deep ashy black

The tears I cry at night
They flow like a salty black river
Drowning me in despair

The scars on my soul
The feel like that of a poison dagger
Continuously reminding me of past deception

I have no where to run to
Where ever I hide
The pain still finds me

The claws dig still deeper into my flesh
Pushing me down under the ever coursing river
The salt irritating the scars even more

Why was I chosen as their host?
I only wish to know
What wrong I have committed

Maybe some day the dragons will leave
The river will dry up
And the dagger will be sheathed

But until then
This is what I must carry
This is my punishment

[This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (03-21-2003 06:42 PM).]

carol
Senior Member

since 2003-01-25

Posts 624
Florida USA

1 posted 2003-04-13 10:12 PM

Very sad but good write

Real friends celebrate in who we are and have faith in all that we can become
Lots of Love
Rita

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-04-14 06:45 AM

This hit home for me. I like your use of words, good write! Oh yeah, you have my vote! ~Jess

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2003-04-15 01:10 AM

Great job on this, Hannah.
You've expressed the thoughts and feelings very well.
Nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

4 posted 2003-04-20 09:33 AM

This is an absolutely beautiful poem! You had an awesome use of imagery...nice visuals, great expression of feelings!!! You have my vote!!!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

sing'n fool
Member

since 2003-04-17

Posts 82
Morris, Il

5 posted 2003-04-22 03:08 PM

Beautiful write. Very sad though. I could feel your pain, and I can relate! I can't wait to read more of your work. You did have a typo too though

Great write.

The scars on my soul
The(y) feel like that of a poison dagger
Continuously reminding me of past deception

Be yourself. Say what you feel. Nothing is wrong. To your own self be real!!

[This message has been edited by sing'n fool (04-22-2003 03:08 PM).]

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

6 posted 2003-04-30 02:17 PM

It's a very good poem. And i can really understand how you feel but that's just the way it is sometimes. Don't lose hope. I look foorward to you writing more. good job.

~Keep dreaming~

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