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Teen Poetry #6

through a teen's eyes

Rdz9
Member

since 2003-03-16

Posts 142
MT, USA

0 posted 2003-03-18 12:59 PM

Teens see thinks differently from adults point of view,
some think our ideas are crazed and askew.

Yet if they could see, for a day, through our eyes,
what they would see would shock and surprise.

Were not quite grown up yet no longer young,
were on the ladder, yet not up the next rung

they watch through our eyes as we go about our day
see our friendship, our trials, what we do our own way

yet just looking through our eyes, would not be enough to see who we are
to see us truly, can't be done from afar

for only we can see with our soul
see and judge the world, our way, as a whole.

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

1 posted 2003-03-18 12:34 PM

Good write! Very true I think. The only thing I'd say is the rhyming seems forced in a few places, but what do I know! Nice job.

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

AJMGW
Member

since 2002-11-19

Posts 57
Galaxy Roller Rink

2 posted 2003-03-18 12:43 PM

we do seem to have a different point of veiw. I liked it keep writing

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

3 posted 2003-03-18 01:21 PM

Honestly, this says nothing new. It is very telling and you have word usage errors as well as completely incorrect punctuation. Also the rhymes are very forced in places. Show us something instead of telling us.

Casey

[This message has been edited by clve527 (03-18-2003 01:23 PM).]

CSwtThng
Member

since 1999-07-28

Posts 124

4 posted 2003-03-19 01:25 AM

I liked it. Nice job!

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