»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #6
»
"Solace Misplaced"
| Teen Poetry #6 |
|
"Solace Misplaced" |
|
|
chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Reflects the light that hides behind the windows, Of the stars. The age of winter draws closely to a child's weakened heart, But warm are the summers still that live quiet in her soul. Frost: erased by a tender hand that guides the stream of water, trickling Into the solid, wooden frame that holds her dreams in place, While her tangled hair and ravaged mind Complete the distance of her voice, Echoed in an empty perfume bottle. Outside her door, the world lies in wait With its lakes and rivers Its skies and stars and suns and moons... A hidden heaven on a wayward planet Orbiting the same orbit Reflected by the same mirror In the same room Of the same child... Of a different heartbeat. And, like a misplaced flower in winterbloom She waits and wonders When the crimson leaves will fall And turn blue. ___________________________________________________ I really think that this is the best freeverse I've written so far. By golly, if it's the last, I wouldn't give a raven's peck. (Who even says that?) I am a freak.  Leah  [This message has been edited by chasing rain (03-17-2003 09:37 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
This is definetly different(in a good way) the. I don't quite know why but this strikes me as being a lot deeper than it seems, although I really can't figure out why I think that. Anyway, very good write. Jenn don't ever let others tell you who you are |
||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You have to like your own poetry to gain the confidence to be brave, and there were some great images in this piece. I enjoyed it.  Sharon [This message has been edited by Mysteria (03-18-2003 02:35 AM).] |
||
|
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very unusual, really well done. Vote given. Jenn "Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me." |
||
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh my gosh, this is indeed breathtaking, sweet friend, I can easily agree this is among your best because of the intense imagery flowing throughout, this is what makes a poem come alive, and you have the knack at this beauty! (big hugggsssssss) Well-done, sweet friend, I send angel hugs and my vote your way, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Leah, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
||
|
Alicethruglass Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368 |
Frost: erased by a tender hand that guides the stream of water, trickling Into the solid, wooden frame that holds her dreams in place, enjoyed your words ~A~ |
||
|
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I'd like this in the book, so I can come back to it over the years and say "Huh?" in different intonations. Love it. |
||
|
Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Leah, I really enjoyed this piece, im definatly gonna click that vote button...im like yeah...this was deep, insightful and beautiful. Regina "heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello |
||
|
WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
A mirror, deformed by a single fingerprint, Reflects the light that hides behind the windows, Of the stars. I too hope this gets in the book, so I can read it again and again. |
||
|
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Oooh, love the imagery  Got my vote! |
||
|
aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
Leah, you really need to post more, cuz I had to really go searching for this one. 3 or 4 pages back.  Anyway, This was great. Very nice. Here's what I think... "A mirror, deformed by a single fingerprint, Reflects the light that hides behind the windows, Of the stars." I like this opening. The single fingerprint on the mirror is what grabbed me and held me. I can just imagine the setting(and later on actually seeing a young girl reaching out with one finger to touch the mirror). "The age of winter draws closely to a child's weakened heart, But warm are the summers still that live quiet in her soul." This was very good in my opinion. Hope = summer maybe? At least thats my take on it. "Frost: erased by a tender hand that guides the stream of water, trickling Into the solid, wooden frame that holds her dreams in place," These lines give me the image of a young girl sitting at the window using the frost on the window to doodle. The water melts as she touches it and collects on the window sill. The window is her gateway to the stars, or dreams. "While her tangled hair and ravaged mind Complete the distance of her voice, Echoed in an empty perfume bottle." Prolly the lines I liked the least. I pictured the girl as being distant but not wild and unkempt. But its a personal thing. They still were good lines. "Outside her door, the world lies in wait With its lakes and rivers Its skies and stars and suns and moons... A hidden heaven on a wayward planet Orbiting the same orbit Reflected by the same mirror In the same room Of the same child... Of a different heartbeat." Now prolly my favorite lines of them all. This is almost like a what if... thing here. The other world, the Hidden Heaven is a what if things had been different for the girl. The same orbit, same girls reflection in the mirror, same room, same child, but like you said a different heartbeat. A different girl yet still the same. A way things could have been different if different choices had been made in life. I really got into these lines and thought about them for a long while. Very nice. "And, like a misplaced flower in winterbloom She waits and wonders When the crimson leaves will fall And turn blue." And these lines seem to back up my assumptions about the what if idea. She sits wondering about that other life, that hidden heaven, wishing for a drastic change(Red to blue.) Anyhow that's my take on the whole thing. I really enjoyed it. I'm prolly completely wrong about the nature of this write, but it made sense to me. C-ya later. And yes you are a freak. j/kex animo, Aaron IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI |
||
|
Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
...this is by far...the BEST piece I've EVER read from you, hun! The world is good, and nothing bad ever happens! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
