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Teen Poetry #6

What my heart needs

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2002-10-03 01:37 PM

What My Heart Needs

Love filled heartaches
Without love can one survive
Lessons from mistakes
Affection received, feeling alive

No other feeling so strong
For the moment we are apart
Can't be wrong, with you I belong
You've captured my heart

Awaiting my golden opportunity
Would we fail or succeed
What would life with you be
It's you my heart needs

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-03 01:42 PM

This is better than your usual work, Shady. Interlocking rhyme really suits you extremely well, I'm glad that you decided to try and adapt it into your style.

This is progress.

Good work, man.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

2 posted 2002-10-03 05:20 PM

thanx, i'm just trying to expand my writing and i took what u had to say into consideration, as ur very talented at writing, and i think it worked out pretty good, i'm happy with this poem. Anyone else got anything to say?

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

3 posted 2002-10-03 10:06 PM

this is an awesome poem im not the best critiquer cuz im a newbi!!but this was great!!come see my stuff!!

*$*Chloey*$*

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