Why is that I Care? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

0 posted 2003-03-10 03:39 PM

Why is it I Care?

Why is it that I care so much,
For that one and only someone that I can never touch?
Why is that I love her so,
While visions of us being together in my mind do flow.

Why does my heart hate to be alone?
From the first day we met,
It was for her my emotions chose to be shown.
I want to be the one in her duet.

Why is it that I think about her all the time?
When I know for sure I’m not the one on her mind.
Is it so hard for her to see the inner me,
When all her hopes and dreams can become reality.

I love and care for this girl in every way,
To be with her would just make my day.
So why is it this feeling I can longer bear,
Why is that I Care?

I kind of rushed the last verse but i couldnt think of anything. Must be writers block lol. Anyway id love to hear your comments and if you can think of a better last verse it would help alot thanks.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2003-03-10 04:04 PM

(sigh) Awwwwwww, this is so very beautiful and filled with wistful longing, sweet friend, one thing I noticed that really intrifued me was in the final stanza you capitalize Care, I don't know if you meant to or if it was an accident but I think it is perfect, it almost broadens the compassion and love of your heart and shows how you'd give anything to have her and believe me, girls like her would love that! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, this has my vote, I think the final stanza need not be changed, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2003-03-10 06:34 PM

this is sweet and the emotions are definetly there but idk it just doesn't seem to flow very well. maybe its something in the syllables or something. and maybe its just me. it is a good poem tho. hope i helped in some way.

Jenn

moonguardian2004
Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 64
MA, USA

3 posted 2003-03-12 08:06 PM

this is a beautiful poem. no surprise considering you always write straight from the heart. i think it is wonderful how you can express your feelings in such a wonderful way. noone will ever know why people hang on so, but i am sure that this girl knows how you feel and feels special because of it. great job!
hugs
MERE

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 2003-03-12 08:58 PM

Very nice sentiments, but seeing you have put this in for book submission it is hard for anyone to advise you on changing your last verse. Good luck to you.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Aretha Franklin

AJMGW
Member

since 2002-11-19

Posts 57
Galaxy Roller Rink

5 posted 2003-03-12 10:03 PM

Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww how sweet. I liked it good job buddy!
AJMGW

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

6 posted 2003-03-15 01:04 PM

nicely done

Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

7 posted 2003-03-15 05:37 PM

Thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments so far!!

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

8 posted 2003-03-16 07:04 PM

sweet sentiment

Eliza Simmons
~Every girl has a dream within.

Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

9 posted 2003-03-16 07:21 PM

How sweet!!There should be more people out there like you!!!
Jenn

**Hope is what Shields us from the harsh realities of life**

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.