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Teen Poetry #6

am I blind?

Toasty
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 74
my little hole in wisconsin

0 posted 2003-07-07 07:44 PM

how can this be true
how can you be real
when did I get so attached
when did I start to feel

why should I care
why should I need
to feel your arms around me
to never let you bleed
I never cared before
before I didn't need

so what makes you so different
I guess I just can't tell
god only knows
how you broke through my shell

I thought I had you figured out
I thought I'd done my best
I thought noone would get in
but you aren't like the rest

you never let me walk away
you didn't keep me out
you were always there when I needed you
you never let me doubt

and now I just can't seem to stop
you're always on my mind
and now with every step you take
I just can't seem to find
  a single fault inside of you
    are you an angel...

         or am I blind?

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2003-07-07 09:05 PM

I thought this poem was nice, but strongest in the last two stanzas. The second stanza seems a bit akward to me-possibly because of the repetitive idea of "need". Does that make sense? Just something to think about. Thanks for sharing!
~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-07-08 01:09 AM

nice work. i also agree, the last 2 stanzas were excellent. once again nice work, cheereo then.

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