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Teen Poetry #6
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live again
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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live again |
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wvplayernotreally Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215yakima wa 
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I wanna yell i want just to cry but i can't let it out! how dare you ask why! I grit my teeth in anger let it just be over i can't deal with your drama i can't deal with the lost i want to run away from it all! my face is hot with tears why does it turn out like this in the end? i always do something to make you mad i am sorry, i am sorry what am I supposed to say? tell me what to say! I am begging you i want to make this right! i am tired of the hurt and pain i am tired of the sleepless nights let me let go of you let me live again " I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking." |
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| © Copyright 2003 Malloree - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SlowDrag Member
since 2002-01-10
Posts 53Tx...need i say more |
very, very good. when i read poetry i try to think of them as songs (i'm a musician it's what i do) and a lot of them are hard to picture that way...but this would make a great song...applause...i like it  (*notes...nice relient - k there too...my style choice of music just fyi) |
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NSnaomian Member
since 2002-07-22
Posts 232In my troll closet I be |
I think this is ok, but definitely something I see that needs work. Right now, to me, it stands as a rant/vent and with those sorts of writings you can develope them and put better more explicit feeling into them. Overall, its a keeper...I would love to see what you come up with if you take the opportunity to elaborate some. Laura "All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life." |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I think that you have a nicely written piece here, It exspresses your anger and frustration very well! Good job! I would say though that it could use a tad more work, with a couple refienments this would be not just a good piece it would be a great piece! Overall I like the thought and the feelings that it provokes, enjoyable read! ~Live and Laugh~ People always ask me why I don't look toward my future I tell them to many interesting things are happening today. |
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