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ZetaCel
Junior Member

since 2003-01-30

Posts 18

0 posted 2003-01-31 04:26 PM

High upon the fruitless plains,
Far into the mist,
Lies a single solitude.
A place of gore,
A harbor of torture,
It looms beyond the horizon.
Deep into the storm,
Buried in rotting flesh,
Lies a place forgotten.
Chaos swirls about,
Darkness pervades the scene,
Forgo a hero into the maelstrom.

A stench arises from below,
Corpses hug the walls,
Faces of a noble deceased.
Wiped clean of sense,
The trekker continues,
Footsteps echo through the halls.
Brave souls soak the tower,
Dead knights trapped in agony,
Courage erased in the journey.

Dark leads to blackness,
Torches far and few between,
Silence penetrates into the core.
A sound racks the strung tension,
Haunting a forsaken land,
Another noise staggering closer.
Around turns the hero,
Presence being felt,
A warm breath stiffens his hair.
Circling in the dungeon,
Heat runs in the air,
A scream pierces the cold expanse.

The brave one rocks backward,
Crashing into the brittle masonry,
Memory lost to consciousness.
The tall structure fades into the distance,
Fog hovering over wasteland,
Emptiness falls upon the gruesome land.
A bolt strikes, illuminating a form,
Cold, shallow eyes befall the horror,
As a dark soul turns and strolls off.

"Opinion is nothing more than ones point of view."

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

1 posted 2003-01-31 08:39 PM

You do not want any critiques, correct?

Well, that's fine, because I don't have any. If I had, though, would you have preferred I kept them to myself?

This piece was simply smashing, friend. Three words came to mind: powerful; epic; sci-fi.

It was one of the best first posts I've ever reading - are you a new old member?

If not, welcome! Welcome. Please enjoy your time, and make yourself known. With this poetry, it won't be long.

~Titus

Studieren Sie die Toten für das Leben.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2003-02-01 01:16 AM

ZetaCel:

Welcome. ^^

Beautifully written. I like your style. Dark, almost bittersweet, but what am I? A style dictionary? Yes. I am. I have no life. But you know your style, and I am almost sure you are aware of what you write. I hope to continue reading your poetry. Poem. Thank you.

-Leah

ZetaCel
Junior Member

since 2003-01-30

Posts 18

3 posted 2003-02-01 01:47 AM

Thanks guys. For one, this isn't my first poem if that is what you implied, and I am new to any poetry forums. This is my first one. My english teachers are tired of the extra work in critiqueing(<- spelling?) my writing.

That is one of the main reasons for coming here. So critique away! I plan to visit here more often.

"Opinion is nothing more than ones point of view."

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

4 posted 2003-02-02 12:52 PM

great poem. keep it up. i can't wait to read more.

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

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