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Teen Poetry #6
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Everyday Together
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Everyday Together |
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Trouble Breathing Member
since 2002-11-12
Posts 63 |
Bells are ringing, Peacefully, As we lie here, Holding each other tight I never thought, That love would come about like this But now that it has, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world The days go by slowly, Knowing someday, We’ll be together, And we’ll love each other forever But until then all we can do is wait, Knowing the love we have, And that some day, We’ll have what others only dream. I love you forever, And I’ll never let you go, You’re so beautiful to me, And all I want is to spend every day together |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
A very sweet and simple poem. I enjoyed reading this. ^^ The only thing that bothered me (it's a stupid bother, as you will soon see) is the first line about bells. The entire poem takes on a very hushed tone, but the bells give it this loud, harsh opening, even though the line is quickly followed by "peacefully". The first line didn't established the tone and thus, it was a weak opening. Maybe, instead of bells, you could use something more lulling, like the singing of birds or the slight ticking of an alarm clock or... I don't know. o.O; Actually, the idea of the slight ticking of an alarm clock is really growing on me. ^^ BUT!!! Enough about what I like. Do what you like. ^_^ Until your next post, Leah |
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Trouble Breathing Member
since 2002-11-12
Posts 63 |
Hmm. I kinda like the alarm clock idea  Im definetely taking that into consideration. |
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