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Teen Poetry #6
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lil cherry
Member
since 2002-10-02
Posts 86
Ont, Can.

0 posted 2003-07-07 02:31 AM


The world is spinning
Everything is a blur
I need to get this jumble out of my mind
Smash, they are still there
No, stay out of my way
I need to make things better
It must go away
Make it stop, the noises, the thoughts, all the mess in my mind
All a jumble, confusion
You can’t help me, get out of the way
Walls, cement, floors, anything hard
My head needs to come in contact with them
There is fire behind my eyes
Everything hurts, and yet I feel nothing
What will make it go away
Banging, smashing, pain
Pain keeps me alive, keeps me going
Nothing, empty, silent, death, life, pain
They are all a big jumble
I try to fit the pieces back together
To make them make sense again
I am too far-gone now
Nothing helps; nothing will stop the battle in my head
A battle with no drawn sides
Everything fighting everything else
Inferno, fire and blood
Pounding and silent
I can’t escape this misery
This, hell
Silence,
Silence so dead it could kill me all over again
Help, but stay away
I need to smash
I need to kill
Destroy my thoughts, make them stop
This torture will never end
Tears, sweat, blood…floor
Anything to take over my head, my brain
It’s dark, black, gone
But shining, bright and painful to the eyes
New beginnings are not now, but repeating the past
A mess, a jumble, confusion, a hole, I’m lost
I can’t escape
Take away my body, for my mind is already gone
Leaving, dieing since the day I was born
Something stop this, pounding, screaming, crashing
It’ll end, it’ll stop
Tell me I’m right
Tell me it’s over
Over……

© Copyright 2003 Angel - All Rights Reserved
Deep_Inside
Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377
i can't stop hiding
1 posted 2003-07-07 03:34 AM


theres emotion all over this poem, pain...yes, but most of all i think that there is no know of ones self. creating pain physical definitely gets rid of pain, it is the easiest way of not only getting rid of mental pain but the thoughts and memories that one is and isn’t aware of. I’m sure you’ve herd this before but it’s not the best way and you can trust me it creates more pain in the future and begins a vicious cycle that is hard to break. all i have to say is find another way.

as for improvement you seem to the connection between you and your poetry down really good... hummm you seem the get a point across really well but bye repeating it, it takes away from what is being read i hope this betters you.

i like the poem all together there was a little difficulty in the read but i like the personal feeling that comes from it keep writing i'll look for more as often as i can


[This message has been edited by Deep_Inside (07-07-2003 03:38 AM).]

infinite disaster
Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 69
Illinois
2 posted 2003-07-07 03:03 PM


a lot of emotions. i like it.
much love, akie.

I am proof that the heart is a risky fuel to burn.

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » 12/11/01

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