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Raver's Ecstacy II: Dance of Eternity
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Raver's Ecstacy II: Dance of Eternity |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Raver’s Ecstasy II: Dance of Eternity *Thump, thump, thump* Close your eyes, and see the music. Lure yourself into the rapture of beats, Find yourself assimilated into the crowd. Your body becomes a ventricle, For pulsating fury. Immolation is the price, For subjecting to the concerto of sounds. Darkness claims its dues, as the bass settles in. You are not of this world. It’s theirs. Glow-sticks are their hand-lanterns. Zombies of the dance-floor; Lead me into deadly bliss. Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alex-lee Hryhorczuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rimmie Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 45Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada |
Well done! Excelent continuation from the first one! Keep up the good job! ~RuZ~ |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Thanks Rimma! I appreciate the reply! Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
 Kielo I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing. |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
*raises and eyebrow* Hahaha...well, Kielo---I must say...that's THE most interesting response I've EVER gotten to a poem! Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I haven't been to a rave...for forever it seems...that made me sad......you described the feeling so well i was like *bulges eyes*(ooo i feel like a bug now...hehe) its nice to see someone else whom seems to enjoy something so simple as sawing to music and feeling the beat.....please keep writing... regina "heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello |
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Pollita Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 220the unknown realm of insanity |
Hey there! This was great. I liked it. and I agree with Rimma, It is a great continuation to the first one! Keep up the excellent job! |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
quote: I have to say this is a really dissapointing start, I think that " * " is quite alright for MSN or IRC but I'm not keen to see them in poetry, that however is my personal onion  . As for the actual line, I like it, the repetition works well, so all in all it's not that disappointing really.quote: Wow, I really like this, such great imagery, I like the idea that you can see the music. This section works really well in my opinion, the imagery, the flow, everything works well. quote: I like the opening but got a little confused by the rest, this section continues with a very smooth flow. One point I'd like to raise is subjecting a word? I checked in my dictionary and couldn't find it, but I was also worried about the context, I think submitting might be better, of course this is just my opinion. quote: Heh I just love these last few lines, they are just wonderful, especially "You are not of this world. It’s theirs.", I like that, but to me it says that your an outsider and I'm not sure if thats what you mean. This is a little darker than the previous installment and to be honest I think I like it better. Anyway great writing Alex, hope to see more of your wonderful writing in this series.  Andrew |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
Its ok. I replied to another poem the other day and simply said "um." At any rate, " " meant that I liked it. Kielo I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing. [This message has been edited by Kielo (01-26-2003 05:38 PM).] |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
Yeah! Andrew---I agree with you on the "*" thing...I was pressed for time and dolley'd this together! Hahaha...that's quite the reply I got from you there! I love it, thanks! And yeah...I miss the whole rave scene! *sniffles* Thanks Del, and Kielo for your 24 cents!  Vekrdehk fyc dra uhmo drehk E fyc kuut yd...pid, yd maycd E ymfyoc vuikrd vun fryd E pameajat eh... [This message has been edited by Android 17 (01-26-2003 05:53 PM).] |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
"subjecting" is a word, but I do agree with Andrew on how "submitting" would possibly work better. I do believe that this is an excellent continuation of the first one Snake. I'm very impressed Good to see you around |
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snoduck Member
since 2002-11-15
Posts 99Selah, WA |
um... hmm... uh...  hehe  i liked that -Erica- |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*sighs* The rave scene - it bloody rocks. This one is much better than the first one. You've described the scene a lot better and included the music a little more. I wrote one on the rave scene a few months back called 'The absence of water'. I'll show it to you sometime. I think you'd get a kick out of it, especially if you're a psycho druggie like me - lol.  ~AF~ "Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Hahahaha.... this is great, 'droid. I'm glad you continued the theme. I enjoyed this one, but I have to be honest, and say I think I liked the first one better, even though you described it more detailedly (a word?) this go around. The other seemed more... less forced, if you will. The flow seems a bit... choppy. And I'd love it if it were longer. But, that's just me. You're getting good response. What you want to do is what you should end up writing. *bows out* Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Dean Member
since 1999-11-23
Posts 120Canada |
Well done! Good shiz! James Dean ;) |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
Wow, I really loved this one. The use of your language is fantastic you really captured the feeling of a nightclub. This was great!! ^*~Kim~*^ "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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