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IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

0 posted 2003-01-22 03:33 PM

This is one I submitted to a poetry publishing contest, but still havn't gotten the results from yet...:fingers crossed: i am hoping i get in! Enjoy the poem....
Take me with you
To dance with the shadows
Hidden in the forests
Scattered throughout the night

Entwined in this deadly dance
So enticing-you cannot resist
All the promises of love forgotten
Tender hearts must stay strong

Spirits and souls long for the dance
Final relief of all burning pain
The night knows of little time
The dance must carry on

I can see the dark breaking
Morning is fighting its way through
Little time is left for us
Can't you feel the nighttime move?

The sun pierces the black sky
Shadows drift back to the trees
Another dance has left me here
Solemn and mournful, I'll forever be

leo_babe
Junior Member

since 2003-01-22

Posts 13

1 posted 2003-01-22 03:47 PM

Hey,
I'd just like to say I really like your poem...you're in with a good chance for the poetry contest. You're descriptions are precise and really make me feel like I'm there watching the whole scene unfold.

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

2 posted 2003-01-23 10:35 PM

"I can see the dark breaking
Morning is fighting its way through
Little time is left for us
Can't you feel the nighttime move?"

This was my favourite stanza. I think your descriptions were good and gave off some of the urgency one feels when put into that situation where time is precious and limited.

- Jaime

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

barbaraj
Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 139
Nova Scotia, Canada

3 posted 2003-01-24 09:40 PM

i would be very upset to hear that you don't win in that contest. this poem was wonderful.

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes, A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

4 posted 2003-01-25 04:30 PM

WOW! This is a great poem!
Your words painted pictures in the mind,
and that's what poetry is susposed to do,
but this piece did it especially well.
Great job!
P.S. This contest isn't with poetry.com is it? Beacause they are a hoax.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

IndigoEve
Member

since 2003-01-10

Posts 279
Etched in the illusion of time

5 posted 2003-01-26 01:40 PM

Replies!

Thank you everyone for the wonderful comments! I really appreciate all the support.

Glad I came here after all...

And WinterWren--it isn't poetry.com, i realized that was a hoax when my poor friend entered it a year ago. It was the Young Poets Society or something..can't quite recall..'twas a while back. Thanks again!

I feel loved!

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