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xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

0 posted 2003-07-06 02:09 AM

discovering you again
its almost like the first time
my hands across your skin
as you move between the light lines
from the orange industrial lights
they glow and
i feel you exhale
take flight
and expire
for maybe in death you can win
but now i cant get your
disease off of my skin
again
and again
but now your so tired

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

1 posted 2003-07-06 02:10 AM

this is about my dying dog...

Alnilam
Member

since 2003-07-04

Posts 75

2 posted 2003-07-06 12:04 PM

I could read the emotion off the screen. It was raw, and pure and I wouldnt change it one bit. I am very sorry about your dog though

. At least it can bring u some great writting motivation... keep posting, i enjoyed reading what u had to say

~*Alnilam*~
The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood.
-Jean Cocteau-

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2003-07-06 08:03 PM

That was good, Paul. That was good. Poems that can be interpreted many different ways, one of which being the 'intended' way, are to me the best of the bunch.

Goody, goody.

~Titus

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can." No, really, I do.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

4 posted 2003-07-06 08:11 PM

why didnt you just shoot it

good poem PWT

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

5 posted 2003-07-07 01:17 AM

I really hope that last reply was a joke...

This was so sad....even sadder after realizing it was about your dog. Pets have such a way of making us become completely attached to them. You expressed yourself well here. I'm glad you found an outlet for dealing with the loss.
Hugs to you,
~Kay

Just wanna be funny,looks like the joke's on me.
So call me Captain Backfire.

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-07-08 01:27 AM

very nice work. its a sad thing to lose a companion. even one which cannot talk and does not have opposable thumbs. i feel your pain.

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

7 posted 2003-07-08 01:56 PM

Thank you all for the responses, and yes Greens was a joke lol.

Paul

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

8 posted 2003-07-09 10:56 PM

I like the way you ended it. I'm not sure why. Maybe if I read it again I'll know. "but now you're so tired"...

I also like how you brought in some visual elements with the emotional elements. It brings presence to the poem.

the faeries creep into my hair at night leaving it in terrible knots

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

9 posted 2003-07-10 12:29 PM

eat my poo jaime

thank you though
but seriously...
eat my poo

love pablo-san

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

10 posted 2003-07-11 02:49 PM

Emperor-
I really enjoyed some of your lyrical flow throughout this poem. It was short yet vivid at times. I can relate to this, I to once wrote about my dog passing away, its always a difficult time. Hope your holding up well.
Tomer

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